Hello my flock. May I please remind you all that tomorrow is Saint Struttock’s day and as he’s one of our parish saints we will be spending 24 hours in adherence of his Will. His last wish as he coughed his final saintly breath was: “That all my followers must crawl around on all fours, whilst reciting the Struttock Psalm, on the anniversary of my death. Unless it falls on a weekend.” Please join us in our marathon display of devotion as we scuttle around the church repeatedly shouting his psalm “Struttock, Dear Struttock. May The Lord Strike Me Down, If I Ever Sit On My Buttocks.” As you know, local window-cleaner and 4th century Saint, Adrian Theodore De Struttock (to give him his full name) is the patron saint of knees and kneeling and lived his entire life with his hands and knees permanently on the ground. He is also acknowledged as the inventor of arthritis and hassocks. And some claim he was the world’s first wearer of long trousers. The day long adherence begins at midnight tonight and I trust we will see you ALL of the church then. May God and Saint Struttock Bless You All. Cyril Knutsford, Vicar, Beckworth St Faiths

(Above) A hassock pictured earlier today (a stuffed-cushion for kneeling, invented by St Struttock many years ago)