Hello. This is a reminder that last week’s postponed Beckworth annual Mothering Sunday Donkey, Sheep and Poultry Farmer’s Market has been hastily rescheduled for this Sunday. The free event is taking place in the town hall after a mysterious fire destroyed the heavily insured badly-in-need-of-renovation ancient market hall last Saturday. The market will be opened at 10am by Countryfile‘s Anita Rani and a Z-List celebrity hanger-on Ms Anita met when she won Strictly Come Dancing (It’s someone called Jay who i’ve never heard of but he’s allegedly great with animals. Especially dead ones). It’s bound to be a fascinating day out for the whole family, young, old, blind and infirm, with stalls selling everything from sheepskin underwear, leather chaps to unpasteurized milk and powdered rhino horn. The abattoir will be putting on it’s ever popular “electro” display, Mrs Rani will be giving demonstrations of how easy animal annihilation is and get this…. For just £62 you can even buy your Mum the chance to have a go herself. What better way is there to belatedly say “happy mother’s day Mum” than by letting her get up close to a healthy heffer and humanely “sending it to meet it’s maker”. See you there, and remember to wear old clothes and wellies as there will be animal s**t, blood, knackers and guts everywhere. Cheers, Gary Grimsby. Mayor.

(Above, centre) Mrs Rani psychs herself up with a quick boogie in readiness for killing some defenceless cattle on Sunday