Good morning to you all. The Beckworth trade guild are delighted to announce that planners have approved the demolition of the 12th century Slocombe Priory to make way for a new factory, creating dozens of jobs locally for the expected influx of foreign workers. The new manufacturing site will be built and operated by Paxmans to build their popular “personal hygene” products, in particular their best selling “Vag-O-Vac” and must have “3-speed vibrating “hair” trimmer with genital massager” the Yes! Yes!. A spokesperson for the company said that tax breaks and bribes had incentified the move from China and they were gagging to get started as the UK market for “sexual hygene” was potentially huge. We at the guild are thrilled that Beckworth and it’s environs are at the forefront of a new “adult-orientated” industrial revolution, all thank’s to enlightened Tory policies. Yours sincerely, Valerie Saddleworth CBE. Chairlady. The Beckworth Guild of Trade & Commerce

(Above) The world famous Yes! Yes! as advertised on daytime TV and in downmarket newspapers is soon to be made near Beckworth