I am delighted to announce that after a decade of trying to find an investor to pay for repairs to Beckworth’s leaky old nuclear power station, the Russian owners of the plant have today announced one has been found. Last month the owner, Putin Power PLC, hinted an investor was being courted in the far East, which led all eyes to fall on King Of China Xi Jinping when he visited England last week. So imagine our surprise when he failed to announce his intention to invest. Thank goodness the Russians are well connected and at the last minute have found an investment partner in Kim Jong-un, the handsome young leader of North Korea. Mr Un is said to be a huge advocate of all things nuclear and thrilled to get control of a slice of the UK’s nuclear capabilities. Good luck to Mr Kim and all at the power plant who’s jobs are now safe. Or at least as safe as they can be working at a faulty old nuclear facility. Yours sincerely, Valerie Saddleworth CBE. Chairlady. The Beckworth Guild of Trade & Commerce

(Above) The latest investor in UK nuclear power, Kim Jong-Un