Breaking toy news just in… Local resident, 97 year old Edna Cumberbatch, is to marry husband number seven, or eight, in the new year. A very excited Edna says she has lost count of the marriages and divorces she’s had, but she still believes in love. And sex. Sprightly Edna said her new husband is 78 years her junior and doesn’t speak English, but thankfully he is very “gifted” in other areas. Mrs Cumberbatch, already a mother of 14, says she hopes to have more babies and will start trying on her wedding night. She is of course famous Worldwide as the “mother” of thousands of babies already as she’s the inventor of the Cumberbatch Dolls, which made her a multi-millionaire and quite a catch. She invented the ugly yet cuddly vegetable dolls as a present for a baby Prince Charles (who she’d noticed loved talking to veg and plants) when she was the Queen‘s Lady of The Water Closet. Many famous people own the dolls, even ex-premier Gordon Brown is said to be an ardent collector. But oddly her Grandson Benedict says he doesn’t like them much. Thankfully on the subject of the wedding he was more positive “I’m honoured to be reprising my role of page boy, for the third time, and I may even wear my old Dr Who clobber up the aisle.” Good luck with the baby making to Edna and fiance Mohammad. Christine Batley. Chief Elderly Wedding Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

(Above) A visibly thrilled Benjamin Cumberbatch cuddles two of his Gran’s dolls