At last I can contribute to Beckworth’s website and all because of a camelid emergency. Please be on the look out for 3 lama’s that have escaped from local celeb Fern Britton‘s famous lama farm. Fern (the youngest daughter of the composer, and dead local celeb, Benjamin Britten) has been running her lama stud for twelve years and says this is the first time that any inmates have made a dash for freedom. Mrs Britton advises that under no circumstances should the general public approach the lamas (named Michael, Janet and Jermaine) as they can be quite dangerous when cornered and have venomous spit (I think that’s what she said, but it was a crackly phone line and I was on the loo at the time). If you do spot the three hairy runaways Fern, a close friend and neighbour of Phillip Schofield, says not to bother her but instead advises emailing me (how exciting!) or you can phone, text or even face-time, her partner (in business, not in love) Doris Palmer, who is known to the lamas and is thankfully trained in non-combative animal capture. Thanks for your time and happy lama hunting, Christine Batley. Chief Crime Reporter at The Beckworth Guardian and neighbourhood watch coordinator