Breaking Corona Virus news just in… Local supermarket Sainsco has today, like many food retailers, taken the drastic step of introducing rationing, but with a clever twist. I interviewed store manager Patricia Mulligan yesterday (by phone, i’m self isolating away from anyone who works with the “great unwashed”) to find out more and ask her to put some loo roll and wine aside for me. Ms Mulligan explained that rationing was in response to greedy people bulk-buying and clearing shelves as soon as stock arrived “many people have been filling their trolleys with essentials such as Jamie Oliver cookbooks and asparagus… toilet roll and bottom wipes are the first to go… I’ve heard that many customers believe the virus will leave them stuck on the lav for days… pasta and rice are sold out, so are those cook-in sauces especially the italian ones… biscuits and tea, so i’m assuming people will be self isolating by having tea parties or making industrial quantities of bolognaise…” she went on (and on) to say “we’ve not had deliveries of soap, washing up liquid or birthday cards for weeks, though i’m not sure the latter has anything to do with the virus… it may be that Doreen in the cards isle has just repeatedly forgotten to order any cards” It was at this point that I managed to interrupt Patty’s “fascinating” insight into store life and ask her what rationing measures she was putting in place? It was then that she told me of the twist at her branch of Sainsco. She explained “I was watching the new TV series of Supermarket Sweep, presented by the dishy Ryan Clark- Kneels-Down, and I realised that was how we could turn a crisis into lots of fun” She went on to at last furnish me with the details “We are allowing each customer a one minute trolley dash around the store to buy as much as they can… We did a trial run with a visiting minibus of pensioners yesterday evening and it was a great success. They didn’t manage to strip any shelves bear, apart from the incontinence section.” With that I managed to get her off the phone so I could watch Ant & Dec. Anyway, it sounds like Pat’s hit on a great idea that, perhaps, many other stores should follow. Christine Batley. Deputy Chief I’m Stocking Up On Spirits & Crisps Reporter. Beckworth And Slocombe Herald Incorporating Nightly Gazette

(Above) Handsome Ryan Clark-Kneels-Down presenter of TV’s Supermarket Sweep