Hello, just a quick update on the all-absorbing lama drama. Yesterday I reported a potentially violent incident in the dry cleaners, which at the time looked to be caused by Fern Britton‘s jailbird lamas. Luckily for the owners of the dry cleaner the rumpus was just someone with a shotgun trying to steal the till, not our Bonnie and Clyde of the camelid underworld. Doris Palmer (Fern Britton‘s in-house lama crime expert) says it’s only a matter of time before she snares the hairy Jacksons (Jermaine & Michael)… and she’s a patient woman. Who’ll crack first I wonder? Also, at this upsetting time, a distressed Mrs Britton has asked not to be bothered by well-wishers as she is being consoled by a close friend. Anyway, i’ll be continue to keep you posted on lama news as it happens. Christine. Chief Crime Reporter at The Beckworth Guardian and neighbourhood watch coordinator