Royal Birthday news just in… Congratulations to the Duke & Duchess of Essex on the birth of their fist born son. The 12lb baby son was born whilst the couple were holidaying near to Beckworth at the Slocombe “Randy Bulls” static caravan park, and in a snub to tradition the boy wasn’t born in hospital. The young boy Prince was given birth to very early this morning and is the 7th, or 8th, heir to the throne. Although his name is as yet unknown it is likely to follow Royal tradition and be named after the next Royal male likely to decease, so the hot bet is Philip. But could be Charles.

It makes me think we’re lucky the Royals aren’t Native American, as they name babies after the first thing the parents see after giving birth. The Royal couple are said to have had a view of the Power Station and Sewage Works from their caravan window! Let’s be thankful for small mercies!!!

I’m told both Grandmothers assisted at the birth (hot water, towels, Spotify playlist, etc), with Princess Meghan’s mother, Angela, taking a break from her hectic schedule and flying in from Germany where she is President. Or Prime Minister.

A spokesperson for Randy Bulls said they are thrilled to be hosting the couple, and although the booking was for two they won’t be charging for the baby. Which is very generous. They went on to say it will put the caravan park on the map and they’ve already had holiday enquiries from as far away as Hull. Which is great news as the place needs all the bookings it can get, as its looking very run down and sad.

Congratulations to the happy couple who can now continue to enjoy their caravanning holiday. Christine Batley. Deputy Chief Royal Baby Correspondent. Beckworth And Slocombe Herald Incorporating Nightly Gazette