It’s Time To Buy The Burial Plot You’ve Always Promised Yourself

Hi all. Today, Beckworth Cemetery will be flinging open it’s newly painted orange gates for our annual Cemetery Open Day. A fun day out for lots of the family, with things to excite even the most cynical member, but especially those looking death in the face or wanting their dear parents to drop off soon so they can nab the inheritance and build that extension with hot-tub and plasma screen tv. We’ll be showing off our almost finished drive thru crematorium, where you can hitch a ride on a converted coffin-carrying golf-buggy and see the yet to be fired up furnaces…. We’ve a “bouncy castle” made up of a heap of old recycled tyres and cushions, non-violent Punch & Judy (now that Derek Shipston is out of prison) and the famed Follyfoot Farm Mobile Petting zoo (including rides on Garry the frisky Llama) for the kids. Come along and have a go at our famed spot the dead celebrity headstone competition, with prizes for young and old (Star-prize 5% off a faux marble headstone in the shape of a Greek urn). We’ve got burial plots of all shapes, depths and sizes to try out in readiness of your longed for “big day,” plus we’ve a few pre-loved carved headstones on display, so everyone can choose the grave they’ve always dreamt of. We also hope to have a cake stall, a band and a cider and cheese tent for the over 18s. Amazingly we’re offering 8% off all grave-digging booked on the day, so don’t be shy, come on by and try before you die. See you there, Dave “David’ Monmouth, Senior Cemetery & Cremations Manager

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