Amazing International, probably not fake news, news just in… A rumour, likely to be true, has reached your favourite local reporter that the latest results in the Indian elections are showing that Beckworth’s very own local singing legend and Eurovision total failure Mickey “Michael” Rice-Pudding is likely to become India’s next president. Or King. Or something. The results look like a landslide victory for local busker Mickey. I texted him to see how he feels about becoming the most powerful person in India and he modestly claimed to know nothing about it, he didn’t even know he was up for election. Or that India was having a vote. He added he’d never been to India but does love a good balti, especially as a take-away on a Saturday night whilst watching X-Factor… Or Strictly when it’s on. His texts got a bit tearful when I said he’d have to move to India when he becomes Royalty and gets crowned and stuff. Through the texted tears he said he wasn’t sure he could commute to India and moving there wasn’t an option as he’d miss his Mum and they’d just got a puppy called Graham (after the leader of Eurovision). I suggested that maybe one of our readers would take the dog (and his Mum?) off his hands so he could move to the other side of the World… This seemed to cheer him up. I’ll keep you posted as whether Mr Rice-Puddin moves to India or abdicates. Christine Batley. Deputy Chief Indian Election Correspondent. Beckworth And Slocombe Herald Incorporating Nightly Gazette