Hello all. Great news, after last night’s successful (and drunken) private view we are proud to announce that our latest exhibition is now open to the public. On display in the John & Yoko room at the town hall is Simon Cowell‘s fascinating and truly vast Spoon collection. Spanning the cutlery item’s history from it’s invention in ancient Greece (previously the human race only had forks, which were deemed useless when an ancient greek invented soup) up to the modern digital age. Simon has been an ardent “flatware” collector since his cross-dressing Uncle Boris bought him his first tea spoon for his 12th birthday. “It’s funny, but up until that day I actually suffered from sponophobia. Spoons and ladles scared me to death and brought me out in hives” Mr Cowell told me last night over a sherry “but I confronted my fears and fell in love with all things spooneristic, as we say in the trade. It’s the sensuous shape of a small bowl flowing into a handle that turned me on.” Success has meant that Simon has been able to indulge his passion and he is the envy of Sponofiles (Spoon collectors) all over the World. In fact some of his collection are so sought after that we’ve had to employ an elderly security guard to work part time. But it’s not just the collection that makes Simon exhibition fascinating, because to relax (in between judging talent shows and opening supermarkets) Simon likes to make spoons into jewellery and he has many reasonably priced items for sale in the town hall gift shop. So come on down, it’s the exhibition of a lifetime. Yours Gary Grimsby. Mayor. Beckworth Town Council

(Above) Simon Cowell wearing one of his home-made spoon-neckalaces
at the private view of his Spoon collection