Blimey, it’s all go at the station today, we’ve got a crime wave going on. This crime report has just come in: Please can you all be vigilant as a plucky thief has stolen a 12″ high Terence Nutkin Statue from the Town Hall. That’s right it’s 12 inches tall not 12 foot!! Why they made such an easily purloined pocket-sized statue is beyond me? Next time Mr Mayor put it in a locked case under armed guards, or better still make it life size, that way it will be easier to spot when stolen. The statue is described as being a sort of cream colour, made of plaster and it looks a bit like the late Mr Nutkin, but of course it’s a lot smaller than him. Anyway, please keep a look out for the Action Man sized Nutkin effigy as the council ain’t too happy about having lost it. If you find it ring 999 and ask for PC R Cowgrove at Beckworth Police station, maybe the council will offer a reward for it’s safe recovery which we can share? PC R Cowgrove

(Above) Before, and after, the daring Nutkin miniature statue theft