Dear flock. Just to remind you that this evening we will have a 7.30 Mass in honour of Sir Winston Churchill. The wartime leader, recently voted the greatest Britain of all time, was also a nobel prize winning poet and distinguished seller of cheap car insurance. Mr Winston was buried this day 50 years ago in a tomb a mere 213 miles from Beckworth, and as was done in 1965 he will be accorded a torchlit 21 gun salute by local scouts at 7pm. After the service tea and biscuits will be served, whilst key moments of the ex-president’s life are played out by The Beckworth & Crewbury Historical Re-enactors. See you this evening, and may your God be with you, Cyril Knutsford. Vicar. Beckworth St Faiths

(Above) Sir Churchill pictured flouting the smoking ban earlier last century