Good evening Beckworth and happy Winter Solstice. Just a reminder that this coming Saturday Beckworth will be hosting the annual Christmas Smokers Fair in the Market Square with the a traditional Germanic ”Weihnachten” Christmas Fair lining the high street. It’s sure to be a wonderful day for smokers and smelly sausage lovers of all ages so get your towels onto the supplied sun-loungers very early.

All the events will be held outdoors, with the exception of the marijuana smokers pottery classes, pipe-rack engineering and sauerkraut construction drop-in sessions which will be held discretely in a porta-cabin in the school playground.

The fairs are your once in a year opportunity to buy flavoured tabacco, nicotene patches, lighters and those poncey electric fags alongside seasonal Christmas decorations made from fragments of the Berlin Wall, Angela Merkel fairies to top your tree, Volkswagen car parts, used lederhosen and whatever else it is our German friends sell at Christmas.

Great news for all the family; the pubs will be open from 8am Saturday and stay open until 11.30 that night to cater for the expected influx of heavy drinking teutonic smokers.

See you there, thanking you most warmly. Aashif Ackworth. Mayor