Breaking vacuous reality TV news just in… A good-looking young billionaire toff has been unceremoniously booted off the terrible yet addictive viewing sex programme Love Island for shooting rhinos, squirrels and hippos… I kid you not, in breaks between filming him kissing and canoodling lasses from the Thames Estuary he has been out big game hunting and posting videos on tinder or grinder or wherever it is you post such guff… But good news for us is that local legend, Jack Agoogoo (Fresh from losing I’m A Celebrity) is being flown out to join the cast and no doubt prove a hit with the ladies… His sister, Nelly has just texted me that he is being paid “over fifty quid and a years worth of condoms” to go on it. She added she’d asked if she could also go on it, but sadly there weren’t any other vacancies. Bad luck Nelly, Good luck to Jack. Christine Batley. Deputy Chief Reality TV Reporter. Beckworth And Slocombe Herald Incorporating Nightly Gazette