Local MP Hoping For Cabinet Role Alongside Old Etonian Boris.

Exclusive breaking Prime Minister Johnson news just in… In a fortuitous stroke of luck I just popped out to have a well earned cigarette break and who should I bump into coming out of the betting shop on the high street? Yes, our very own, highly respected, Beckworth MP, Stephen Tooting-Broadway MP who honoured me there and then with an exclusive interview as we shared a Marlborough Light. Mr Tooting-Broadway was very excited to have just won a “monkey on the gee-gees” (I’ve no idea what a monkey means but it must be good given his infectious happiness) and also to have found out that he is very likely to have landed a role in his friend Boris’ cabinet after years gathering dust on the back benches… Stephen told me he had been “friends” with the new Prime Minister since Prep School and that his younger brother, Rory Tooting-Broadway (the famous porn and sausage-meat baron), was Mr Johnsons fag at Eton (I looked it up and it means man servant not gay boy as I’d thought), so they know Boris Johnson‘s most intimate secrets which he’s offered to tell me at a price. Good luck to Tooting-Broadway and of course to Mr Johnson, I think the two of them can at last get us out of the stinking corrupt mire that is Europe. Christine Batley. Deputy Chief Boris Johnson PM Correspondent. Beckworth And Slocombe Herald Incorporating Nightly Gazette

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