Hello all. Disturbing news just in from local NHS spokesperson and 1950s midwife Miranda Hart… It appears that Beckworth’s hospital, chemists, supermarkets and fungal-foot specialists are all running low on essential supplies of talcom powder causing a worried populace to panic buy. In bulk. Miranda is quoted as saying “Shelves all over town are almost empty and the over 60s are hysterically battling teenagers for the last remaining stocks. God knows if and when we’ll get the life-saving supplies the NHS relies on.” She went onto explain “It’s all due to a new dance craze sweeping up and down the country and nationwide” before adding “It’s a pandemic called Northern Soul i believe. Young people put on stereotypical Northern accents to talk about whippets and coal-mining, dress in flared trousers and flat caps and dance to soul music as if they possessed” The star of BBC TV’s Call The Midwife went onto explain to waiting news crews “Then they sprinkle the the floor with precious talcom powder and dance on it. I’m buggered if I know why, we never had any problems like this in fictional 1950s England.” It is such a serious dilemma that Prime Minister David Cameron is as I write heading a meeting of Cobra, prompting Lance Armstrong, spokesperson for the Federation Of Talcom and Flea Powder Makers, to issue the following statement ”The problem is that we’ve never known such an interest our health giving product. Even the Roman’s who discovered it to be The Powdered Elixir Of Life never ran short. Despite selling it by the ton to army soldiers as an aid for marching (it stopped their sandals rubbing). But this craze has meant the UKs annual supply has been used up in just 3 months. My members were ill-equipped to meet such high demand, and with talcom crops devastated by recent flooding we are calling on foreign countries such as Bolivia and Columbia to send us much needed supplies” He went onto say “But can I ask the citizens of Great Britain not to hoard supplies, not to buy black market ”under the counter chalky fakes” nor mug the old for a splash of talc… But to please wait until the imported white powder arrives. Sometime in June.” I’m sure i’ll have more on this story in coming weeks and will keep you posted. Christine Batley. Chief Talc Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

(Above) A local Northern Soul dance floor covered in talcum powder earlier today