Dear Prof Cox Why Are We Having Our Holidays Ruined By Such Wet Weather

Hello to my Coxettes, it’s your very handsome and modest Prof Brian Cox here. This week, and last, I’ve been inundated with emails, letters and damp postcards which I’ve put off answering. But whilst I wait for my beautiful hair to dry I’ll lower myself to answer… You’ve tediously been asking the same question; “Why is the UK so damp this month? It’s completely ruining our staycation in Bognor, Hull, Isle Of Man, and I’ve packed away all my thermals.” The answer is all to do with the unseasonal weather not being ours… In fact we’ve inherited a years worth of Russia‘s unwanted grey rain clouds, which are crammed full of very wet soggy rain. It is believed the Russian military have developed a way of blowing unwanted clouds our way so they can bask in sunshine, get good tans and sell lots of sunglasses (that’s why Siberia is no longer icy cold but baking hot like Greece)… I’m told our military are desperately trying to invent something to blow the clouds back, perhaps via mainland Europe post-Brexit, with PM Boris Johnson pledging hundreds of pounds to help the inventors. Sadly, until the boffins develop such a “blower,” we’re stuck with the rain… and probably snow in September. My advice to all my fans is to dig out your warm clothes and buy new Brian Cox scarves, T-shirts, undies and umbrellas from the merchandise bit of my website… As for me I’m wealthy enough to avoid the inclement weather (that’s scientific words for wet weather) by going on a Mediteranean cruise with my close pals Harry Styles, Ferne Cotton & Sir Trevor MacDonald. I don’t want to be late for the bus to the harbour so I’ll sign off now…. See you soon, and keep the faith (by buying some of my merchandise). Ta ta, Prof Brian Cox.