Local College Announces Evening Classes To Continue During Ongoing Lock Down

Breaking clay-based news just in… Beckworth FE College has announced that they are aiming to take all adult education evening classes online, or similar, next month. This will include over 90s yoga, veterinary as a hobby classes and life drawing art classes via live video link (i’ll sign up for the latter if its a well hung naked young man modelling). Car mechanics for beginners will continue via occasional phone calls, Arc Welding For Young Mum’s via hastily written postcards and flower arranging probably by post. Most ambitiously the pottery class will continue with each potter in their own home using improvised potters wheels, tuition by Skype and the clay posted weekly through a letter box or open window. Well done to the plucky college, it’s innovation like this that won us the war, and will help us beat this invisible menace we currently face. Christine Batley. Deputy Chief China Tea Pot Correspondent. Beckworth And Slocombe Herald Incorporating Nightly Gazette

New Term At Re-Sited Beckworth FE College

Hello to you all. May I take this opportunity to introduce myself to you and to our wonderful re-sited Further Education college. My name is Barbara Windsor (Not the one who’s bra fell off in Carry On Camping nor the one in Eastenders, though we do share certain noticeable physical attributes) and I am the head of the faculty. Over the summer we moved into our lovely new site on Madonna Lane, where we share a building with KwikFit, and yesterday the college was officially opened by ex-alumni, and local author, Katie “Jordan” Price. Due to an increase of space and improved facilities we can now offer more courses, for both the young, old and infirm. Induction week starts next Monday and we have a lot of evening classes on offer, including some new ones such as Welding For Beginners, Tantric Sex (Taught by Gordon Sumner), Living With Jihad, Arm Wrestling, Noel Edmunds‘s Kite Flying Lessons, Forgeries and print-making, and Deep Sea Diving theory… So join us next week but you better be quick as demand is bound to be high. Yours Barbara Windsor (Mrs). Head of the Faculty. Beckworth Further Education College


(Above) Ex-student Katie Price opens the new FE College