Dear Prof Clocks Why Are The Cox Still Changing?

Hello all, your wonderful, Godlike, Prof Brian Cox here. As per usual readers have been wasting my precious time, wanting me to answer the same scientifically tedious questions, year in year out… I’m talking about why twice a year you ask why do the clocks change. So once again i’m just going to say “read my previous blogs on the matter”… Why not ask me something challenging, and timely to fit in with Red Nose Day like “my dog has no nose, so how does he smell?” or about horses ask “why do they have long faces?” Talking of Red Nose Day I think you should start a petition to have me present it, as my hair always looks great and lifts any occasion, and am just as funny as Jonathan Ross. Anyway i’ve got to rush, I’m having Sunday brunch and drinks with my good celebrity pal Joey Essex…. See you soon, so keep the faith. Ta ta, Prof Brian Cox.

Make Mothering Day Sunday Extra Special Today

Hello all you lucky peoples with Mothers. And Grandmothers. Today is your Mother’s Day and to make it extra special your favourite fast food establishment will be opening 11 ’til 11 to give good service all the Mum’s you bring along. Your mothers will be treated like Kings for 12 hours at Knossos Kebabs. We’re offering any mature woman, who can prove she has offspring, a large donna kebab for £11.99 each (whilst stocks last). After the popularity of Mother’s Day in recent years we are once again laying on entertainment that every mama will love. Yes it’s our very own local Michael Buble tribute act, Michael Ball, singing all his hits, accompanied by his granddaughter Zoe on the spoons and eukele. We’ve brought extra seats to our kebab shop today so can sit 9 mums (or 3 large jolly ones) at any time, but any dads or sons and daughters will have to stand outside in the road. Or you come and take-away (there’s a bench down the street). It’s not a day to be missed, so bring us all your mothers. Khristos will see you later today. Remember it’s only while stocks last…

Khristos Knossos. Knossos Kebabs

St Patricks Day Gig Tonight

Hi to all, this is to remind you that tickets are still available for tonight’s St Patrick’s Day concert in the front bar. This year we’re lucky to have Truck Morrison & The Blarney Stones playing all night and no doubt through til morning. Recently voted the nations’ 224th favourite Van Morrison and Rolling Stones covers band (as voted for in The Daily Telegraph), the 22 piece band will be playing and between songs telling Irish jokes to raise money for next week’s Comic Relief. Irelands’ favourite DJ Graham Norton will be compering the event and Michael Flatley‘s sister Maddy has promised to pop by to perform the whole of Riverdance on her own whilst the band plays. There’ll also be a St Patrick’s buffet so come down and jig along. Doors open at 6.46, and tickets cost £134.50. Tonight’s featured real ale is Shane MacGowen’s Smile, and we’ve also got a few old garden gnomes (painted to look like lovely leprechauns) for sale. So see you this evening. Cindy Carmarthen, Bar Manager, The Blind Badger Pub & Venue

It’s A Paddy-Powered St Patricks Day

Hello Beckworth. I hope this message finds you well, it is a reminder that today at 2.15pm the town’s traditional St Patrick’s Day Parade will be setting off from the recently-redecorated (at great expense) town hall. We are hoping that about five or six Paddy Power sponsored floats will take part alongside our very own “Irish” marching band, so there will be plenty for the whole family to see. The route will this year include a stop at the newly opened Paddy Power betting-office before ending up at the playing fields, where this year’s Shamrock Queen will be crowned. The parade will then return along the same circuitous route ending up at The Blind Badger pub car park where traditional ”Irish” refreshments and entertainment are being laid on. It’s bound to be a grand craic and celebrations in the pub will probably last most of the week as they’ve got an extension on their licence. So here’s to a wonderful sober St Paddy’s day. Thanking you most warmly. Aashif Ackworth. New Mayor. Beckworth Town Council

Re-enactment In Town Today

Just a reminder that today, from 3.30pm, we will be recreating the The Ides Of March in The Sainsco carpark. The society is currently lacking members but as the action really is a two man thing we should be ok. It’s an enactment full off Roman swearing and fighting with lots of Caesar stabbing and loads of fake blood. The latter should get the teenage townsfolk off their tablets for half an hour as it will look like a usual Saturday night outside your average nightclub… So please come on down and see for yourself. The Beckworth & Crewbury Historical Re-enactors