Take The Next Left, or Right, Said Fred

Hello World. Todays’ news is the hottest off the press for some time because its’ come straight from the horses mouth, almost. Richard Fairbrass of rock group Right Said Fred told his hairdresser, who phoned me, that he is the new voice of a well known make of satnav. Multi-millionaire Richard told Marge over a shampoo that ”it’s ironic Marge” he said “As I can’t drive, am rubbish with a map and get my lefts and rights all mixed up!” before adding “But hopefully drivers will forgive me if my instructions get them lost!” I think I speak for all Beckworth residents when I say I for one would let the deeply dippy bald Mr Fairground get me lost on the way home from Sainsco. LOL Ronnie. Psychic.
(Above) Right Said Fred who’s obviously no longer too sexy for his shirt

Beckworth Star Spot: Sharon Osbourne

I’ve just seen the X-Factor’s Sharon Osborne shopping in the town with her two sons, Ozzy and Jack. She was obvoiusly celebrating her return to the talent show as she was splashing the cash on her boys, buying them new kilts and bowties. But I did overhear one of the boys complain that he couldn’t find a nice floral shirt to buy. She is obviously a big hearted and generous lady. It’s easy to see why Prime Minister George Osborne married her and let the TV people film all day in their house. Ronnie


(Above) Sharon and her two sons photographed today shopping for shirts

Beckworth Eurovision Star Spot: Graham Norton

Goodness, this is my second star spot this week, i must be psychic (But of course I am!!!!). Late last night I saw TV’s gay icon, Eurovision hopeful, and local celeb, Graham Norton, rushing out of Tesburys supermarket. I couldn’t see what he’d bought as he was carrying a bag, but it’s bound to be crisps, vodka and Fanta to keep him going before he sings on tonight’s Eurovision Song Contest. Good luck Graham, we’re all rooting for you (Has anyone actually heard this years entry? I hear it’s been banned from the radio!). Ronnie


Beckworth Star Spot: Harry Hill

Matt Lucas

I’ve just seen You’ve Been Framed funny man, and local shirt-wearing celeb, Harry Hill filming funny clips on his mobile. Whilst autographing my sandwich box (I had nothing else on me) he told me that when the show is short of funny animal films and clips of children falling over, he goes out and films some himself. At £150 per clip (if shown on the programme) he’s quids in. He tried to get me to walk into a lamppost, but I had to rush home for an “appointment.” But I think he’s still on Floyd Street if you want to do something funny for money. Ronnie

Hello Ducks

Last night me and my partner had a fantastic meal in that swanky new Gary Rhodes restaurant on Floyd Street, The Two Fat Ducks. For mains we had the signature Asian Fusion dish, Frites avec sauce curry (chips with curry sauce). It was totally devine, and we really recommend it. (Also, there’s 20% off on Monday nights, so it’s as cheap as chips!). Thanks Ronnie


(Above) Chef Gary Rhodes with head waitress Rose