World Book Spa Day

Howdy hi and pleased to meet you. I’m Albert Leamington III, and I run the hugely successful Beckworth Hall Spa. As I am a generous man, and in recognition of World Book Day, Beckworth’s number one spa is offering a huge 10% off sauna sessions. But only for those who come dressed up as their favourite book character. Come early as places in the small sauna are very limited. Albert

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(Above) Local author and tanning-salon owner Katie Price gets into the spirit of World Book Day by dressing as the character Katie Price from a book written by Katie Price.

Third Time Lucky For Local Band

Howdy hi. This is a message for fans of local band Eaten Mess. For the second time in three years they are bowing to legal pressure and changing their name. This time to Eaten Trifle. The popular covers band, that features ex-members of Status Quo and S Club 7, were for years called Eton Mess until the town of Eton threatened to sue them for besmirching the name. Now the cook that invented “mess” has also sued. We are hopeful that no one owns the rights to either “eaten” or “trifle”. Here’s hoping. Albert Leamington III. Band Manager.

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(Above) An Eton Mess dessert celebrates successfully forcing local pop band to change it’s name

Beckworth Star Spot: Morrissey

I’ve just seen 1980′s pop star Stephen Morrissey buying a whoopee cushion and false nose & glasses from the joke shop next to the town’s mosque. I’ll bet it’s to play a trick on his brother Neil Morrissey, star of Men Behaving Badly and Bob The Builder. I’ve heard neither of them takes themselves too seriously and they love larking about. Albert

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(Above) Neil Morrissey’s older brother Morrissey leaving Beckworth’s joke shop with some tricks up his sleeve, or in his pockets

Paris Hilton Name Change

Howdy hi. After many years of legal wrangling and dozens of court appearances local heavy-rock duo The Paris Hilton are bowing to pressure from little-known American singer-songwriter Paris Hilton and changing their name. They had argued that she should change her name as they have been using it since 1989 but the courts ruled against them. So from now on the duo will be simply known as The Beijing Hilton to avoid confusion. Albert Leamington III. Band Manager.

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Easily confused: The Paris Hilton, as was (above left), and Paris Hilton as is (above right)