Loose Weight In Just Six Weeks With The NEW Patented Dame Barbara Windsor 5-2 Diet

Ello fans, Dame Babs Windsor here. I bet you’ve been wondering how I looked so fabulous and young when I died on Eastenders recently… And how do I look so trim when advertising bingo? Well now I can share my secret with you; it’s my recently rediscovered Five To diet. “Was it invented by an ancient race of cockney Pearly Kings & Queens Dame Babs?” I hear you ask? Nah, it was taught to me in the 1960s by my old friend Hattie Jaques, who’d made it up one lunchtime whilst we filmed a Carry On film. But then I clean forgot all about it… But last year I found a scrap of paper in an old coat which had all the instructions scribbled on it. And now i’m ready to share it’s teachings as a gift to stop all my fans getting fat on the NHS. “Cor blimey that’s generous, but how’s it work Dame Babs” I hear you ask? Simply put, it’s all about bein’ strict about when you eat your grub… ’cause with my Five To diet it’s all about scoffing down your meat an’ two veg at five minutes to the hour… and only at five minutes to the hour. So not ten to, on the hour or quarter past. It has to be exactly five to for it to work proper (and it’s been scientifically proven to work by that cute Dr Christian off Embarrassing Bodies!). And the good news is it can be Five to any hour. Even in the middle of the night after you’ve had some how’s your father! And unlike the aggro you get with other diets with mine you can ruddy well eat as much as like, and as often as you want. As long as it’s only at five to… “Where do we find out about the bleedin’ 5-2 diet Dame Babs? I hear you lard arses ask?” Well, for 6 weeks in July I will be hosting my classes in the scout hut and sharing my secret… The course costs £55 a class and starts at 6.55 on 6th July… But don’t turn up if you ain’t got the cash, or else i’ll shout “GET OUT OF MY HUT!” Ta ta Till next week, Dame Babs

Beckworth the Five To Diet

New Term At Re-Sited Beckworth FE College

Hello to you all. May I take this opportunity to introduce myself to you and to our wonderful re-sited Further Education college. My name is Barbara Windsor (Not the one who’s bra fell off in Carry On Camping nor the one in Eastenders, though we do share certain noticeable physical attributes) and I am the head of the faculty. Over the summer we moved into our lovely new site on Madonna Lane, where we share a building with KwikFit, and yesterday the college was officially opened by ex-alumni, and local author, Katie “Jordan” Price. Due to an increase of space and improved facilities we can now offer more courses, for both the young, old and infirm. Induction week starts next Monday and we have a lot of evening classes on offer, including some new ones such as Welding For Beginners, Tantric Sex (Taught by Gordon Sumner), Living With Jihad, Arm Wrestling, Noel Edmunds‘s Kite Flying Lessons, Forgeries and print-making, and Deep Sea Diving theory… So join us next week but you better be quick as demand is bound to be high. Yours Barbara Windsor (Mrs). Head of the Faculty. Beckworth Further Education College


(Above) Ex-student Katie Price opens the new FE College