International Woman’s Day

Hello sisters, please join us today by downing tools, withdrawing labour, empowering womanhood and remembering those worse off than ourselves. We will be setting off on a march to the scout hut at midday and once arrived will hear speeches from many prominent international guest speakers. Some strong women’s voices from overseas, such as Kim Kardashian and Dolly Parton, will be heard via recorded messages sent on email and projected onto a wall. So it will be a powerful inaugural women-only event not to be missed. Yours Sylvie Stoke. Chair Lady. Beckworth WI

Join Us Tonight For National Coming Out Day

Dear Lesbian And Gay And Bi-Sexual friends. Tonight is National Coming Out Day and in celebration we’re driving a candle-lit Friends Of Dorothy “float” around the town and going door-to-door to help people come out to complete strangers, friends and family. So if you need that gentle shuv to escape the closet join us on our glam float and show the world you’re happy with your sexuality. Yours Sylvie Stoke. Co-Chair Lady. The Beckworth Lesbian And Gay And Bi-Sexual Society ( BLAGABSS )

Beckworth_Coming Out Float

(Above) An artist’s impression of how the Beckworth Lesbian And Gay And Bi-Sexual Society “Coming Out” float would look if it had to go in the river

Local Society Needs Your Help In It’s Bid To Put First Lesbian Into Space‏

Dear all. You are all cordially invited to tonight’s inaugural meeting of the “Campaign To Thrust Local Lesbian Valerie Portslade Into Orbit.” For years Valerie has been a tireless advocate of getting female homosexuals into space but so far NASA, the Russians and Chinese have not been responsive. Hence why she’s decided to do it herself “We’ve had gay men riding in rockets, bi-sexuals on the space shuttle but no lesbian has even got as far as ground control. It’s blatant discrimination. Even straight cross dressers like Eddie Izzard have a greater chance than dykes of getting onto a space station. So I’m going to do this for pillow queens everywhere, even if it kills me!” Valerie already has dozens of supporters and we’re all meeting in the snug of The Gay Hussar pub at 8.30 tonight after Eastenders. We will be primarily looking for local businesses to sponsor Val and her rocket, and we’ll also need fund raising ideas as rocket launches and fuel cost a lot of money. But at least we’ve already got a rocket (a second hand Korean one which we bought cheap off ebay), so that large outlay has already been taken care of. We’ll also be looking for a lucky lady to act as Valerie’s “last minute stand-in” just in case she can’t get time off work from the butchers to become the World’s first sapphic astronaut, so come along and put your name in the hat. Everyone is welcome tonight, whether gay, straight or bi-curious, but lesbians are of course most welcome. Yours Sylvie Stoke. Co-Chair Lady. The Beckworth Lesbian And Gay And Bi-Sexual Society ( BLAGABSS )

Beckworth_Rocket

(Above) BLAGABSS’s recently purchased ex-Sputnik space rocket