Queen Unveils New Painting In Library

Hello. It’s always a wonderful start to one’s week when a VIP or two stop by the library, especially if unexpected. Today we were actually expecting HRH The Queen to be unveiling our newly white-washed gallery space but instead we got Roger Taylor and Brian May of the pop band Queen. We were not disappointed as the boys did a wonderful job declaring our newly painted walls “open” and even played the gathered throng some of their pop hits. It turns out that HRH Elizabeth II shares the same booking agent as the band Queen and this isn’t the first time they’ve found themselves standing in for our beloved monarch. “Due to mix-ups we’ve launched ships, given dinner to foreign heads of state and even opened Parliament” Roger told me. I’m thrilled about today’s mix up and hope the boys will do the honours for us again when we reopen the drinks vending machine.” Trinny Poole-Harbour. The Jeffrey Archer Gallery. Beckworth Library


(Above) Consummate professional HRH The Queen’s Brian May signals to band mate Roger Taylor to pull back back a curtain and unveil the newly painted gallery wall earlier today

Cake Sale For Prince George

Hello. Just to say that in celebration of the boy king, George, turning one today we are holding a cake sale in the scout hut today from 1pm. All proceeds will go towards creating a living effigy of our future monarch. Last year we planted a bush outside WHJones (near the bus stop) and with the money raised today we will pay amateur topiary expert Alan Titmarsh to trim the bush into the shape of George (which will make a nice change for Alan as he mostly creates phallic shapes). Yours, Trinny Poole-Harbour, Women’s Institute


(Above) Paparrazzi grab a picture of a baby crawling earlier today, which may or may not be one year old HRH George as babies all look alike to me

Private View Postponed

Hello. Just to say that tonights private view of The Hovis Bread and Crumpet retrospective exhibition has been postponed due to mice. The rodents have decimated some key historical exhibits, but the bakers promise to have them replaced by next week. So we are hoping to reschedule the private view, in the library’s Jeffrey Archer Gallery, for 6.30pm Wednesday 4th June. The exhibition is due to open to the public from 19th June. Open daily 10 -5, the entrance fee is £5 or £3 to OAPs, scroungers and the registered blind. Yours, Trinny Poole-Harbour, Curator


(Above) A key exhibit photographed earlier before a gang of delinquent mouses ate it

Damian Hirst: The Cows Last Week


Hello. Just a reminder that we are now entering the last 7 days of the Damian Hist retrospective exhibition, on at the Jeffrey Archer Gallery in the library. It will be your last chance to see half a cow, a shark in a murky tank, a lot of flies and some spotty paintings, all pertaining to be modern art. Open daily 10 -5, entrance fee is £5 or £3 to OAPs, scroungers and the registered blind. Yours, Trinny Poole-Harbour, Curator

PS Our next exhibition, opening in June, will be a retrospective of Man Ray’s colourful digital photography and short animated films .