Hello. I am very happy to announce that this week Keira Knightley’s Kingdom Adventure Centre will start broadcasting yoga directly into Beckworth’s living rooms. Or garages. Or wherever it is you do yoga without nosey neighbours and perverts watching. The daily yoga classes will be hosted online, via the centre’s website, by Mrs Knightly herself (she is a recently trained brown belt in yoga). Log on every weekday at 10am to see Keira, the brown goddess in action. Have a good day, Beth Rochester. Acting Manageress, Keira Knightley’s Kingdom Adventure Centre
(Above) Keira Knightley
Dear all. Thanks for the messages of support, it seems am overwhelming amount of people agree with me and think we need better graffitti here in Beckworth. And my suggestion of buying the missing Bansky (above) has gripped you all. So I suggest as many of us as possible go to the auction and bid for it, that way we increase our chances of bagging it. If there’s a few of us we could hire a min-bus? Beth
Dear all. Am I the only person in this town that thinks the quality of our grafitti is p*** poor? It’s badly drawn, not very colourful and hard to read. What we need is something that makes a statement. What we need is a Bansky. In the absense of Mr Bansk coming by and brightening up our walls (I’ve tried facebook to find him, but no luck so far), I suggest we apply for lottery funding and buy the one that’s been ripped from a wall and is now for sale in swanky Soho, London (See pic below).
What do you say? It would look great on the side of Sainsco, or maybe on the outside of the church? Let’s get an action group together!! Bansky here we come. Beth
I’ve just seen antipodean songsmith, and local celeb, Jason Donavan putting the chain back on his bike. I was surprised to find he’s very small in real life and rides a kid’s bike. He only looked about 9 years old, so must use a very good moisturiser. Beth
Hello. It is with a heavy heart that I have to announce the temporary closure of the skate park in the Keira Knightley’s Kingdom adventure centre. This is due to large cracks appearing all over the Ms Knightey’s Film Career Mosaics, rendering the skate ramps and bowls a hazard. I will keep you posted on how rapidly this popular part of the KKK can be reopened, at present we are awaiting an expert inspection of Keira’s fissures. The rest of the centre, BMX track, jungle gym, climbing wall, archery corridor, vegan cafe and death slide, are mercifully unaffected. Have a good day, Beth Rochester. Acting Manageress, Keira Knightley’s Kingdom adventure centre
(Above) Ms Knightley practicing in the recently redecorated archery corridor