Bothams Up! Celebrate A Traditional MayDay In The Traditional Way

Tomorrow is Mayday. And the ideal way to spend it with is with your local Morris Dancers, The Beckworth Bothamers. As centuries-old tradition dictates we’ll be dancing on the common from midday, after we’ve been taking in large quantities of locally-brewed liquid refreshments in the early morning, and then performing a drunken pub crawl through the town from afternoon to evening.

Other attractions during the day will be The WI dancing around the Maypole between jam-making workshops, The Beckworth & Crewbury Historical Re-enactors dancing around the Maypole in Victorian dress, Daisy Chain making classes with Fern Brittan
and an inaugral horticultural show including judging of rude shaped vegetables and fruit. The crowning glory of the day, apart from the mOrris Dancing, will be the MayDay crowning of the May Person (Thanks to equal opportunities this could be a May Queen, May King or May LGBT). Please bring the whole family for a proper Spring knees-up all set to the sound of bells and accordian. Thanking You. Clifford Pinner. The Beckworth Bothamers

Summer Solstice Celebrations

Hello. Just to remind all you readers that next Monday or Tuesday is the summer solstice (I’m never sure if Midsummers Day is on the 20th or 21st). Whichever day it turns out to be it has been a joyous event for millennia, that’s if the local populace weren’t too bladdered to attend or simply forgot what day it was. If they did remember the good folk of ye olde Beckworth gathered at the ancient Hammerite standing stones for all-day celebrations. From before dawn until way past bedtime the local druids danced, sang and fornicated naked amongst the stones to invoke the sun to rise (and set). Hundreds of animal sacrifices were made to the Gods, until health and safety busy-bodies banned them in the 1980s, and for quite-a-few years the Beckworth Bothamers performed morris dances and skinny dipped in the river to cool off. It’s an idyllic, historical day for all ages, with school children encouraged to attend and pensioners bused in for the occasion. This year, as midsummer falls on a work day and as most of the Druids and Bothamers can’t get the day off, we’ll be celebrating a bit early. On Sunday. So please join us for the mid-morning “conjoining” of Beckworth’s Maiden In White to the Old Slocombe Codger and in the evening the burning of a wicker effigy of the Old Dick of Beckworth. As is tradition the mummers will be enacting mystery plays for 18 hours, or maybe less if they get tired, non-stop and there will be much merriment, berry-harvesting, dancing and singing for all the family to join in with. Food and drink stalls, including one serving Beckworth’s famed Devil’s Punch (made from rotting fruits gathered at last summer solstice), will be set up and music will be performed by local naturist folk bands. Local pop band Coldplay have said they’ll be stripping off to play in late afternoon, so that will be a must see. For the youngest family members there will be a bouncy castle within the stone circle, pin the fig-leaves on the virgin and donkey rides (if we can find some “new” donkeys as the old ones are now sadly deceased). For older residents there will be wheelchair races and an incontinence paddling pool. So come to the Hammerite stones on Sunday and be at one with mother nature.

Clifford Pinner. The Beckworth Bothamers Morris Dancers

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Come & Spend A Traditional MayDay With The Beckworth Bothamers

Today is Mayday, so please spend it with your local Morris Dancers, The Beckworth Bothamers. As tradition dictates we’ll be dancing on the common from midday after we’ve taken in some liquid refreshments this morning and then performing a drunken pub crawl through the town from 6pm. Other attractions during the day will be The WI dancing around the Maypole between jam-making workshops and the crowning of the May Queen (Or thanks to equal opportunities, May King or May LGBT). Please bring the whole family for proper Spring knees-up all set to the sound of bells and accordian. Thanking You. Clifford Pinner. The Beckworth Bothamers

Beckworth MayQueen1

(Above) An artist’s impression of what a bunch of May Queens and Kings may have looked like before colour was invented

Spot The Tosser In Town Today

Happy Shrove Tuesday to one and all… Let us not forget that today is pancake day and to celebrate the wholesome vegetarian occasion (and publicise our shop) my son Neville will be dressing in disguise and wandering the town flipping fresh crepes. And anyone who spots him will get a really splendid organic prize. A free pancake! Yes, just spot Pinner Jnr tossing his way through the streets and you’ll earn yourself a healthy free meal! So get searching, he won’t be easy to find…. Yours Clifford Pinner, owner of The Beckworth Eco-Emporium

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(Above) The hard to spot Beckworth Tosser on the streets earlier today

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to one and all… Let’s pray for peace and prosperity in 2016. I’m hoping sales of my eco-friendly concrete slippers take off this year… They never wear out so will never need replacing (no more shoes getting thrown away). Yours Clifford

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(Above) Mr Pinner with his locally crafted “green” concrete footwear

Come & Spend A Traditional MayDay With The Beckworth Bothamers

Tomorrow is Mayday, so why not spend it with your local Morris Dancers, The Beckworth Bothamers. As is tradition we’ll be dancing on the common from midday and then performing a drunken pub crawl from 6pm. Other attractions during the day will be The Beckworth & Crewbury Historical Re-enactors dancing around the Maypole in Victorian dress, Daisy Chain making classes with Fern Brittan, a jumble sale and the crowning of the May Queen (Or thanks to equal opportunities, May King). Bring the whole family for some wholesome Spring fun. Thanking You. Clifford Pinner. The Beckworth Bothamers

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(Above) The Beckworth & Crewbury Historical Re-enactors practice Victorian Maypole dancing in readiness for Mayday

Anarchy At The Allotments

Hello. I’m sorry to bother you but I need you the towns folk to be particularly vigilant as mayhem and lawlessness have broken out at the allotments. At first it was just the odd watering-can or shed that was taken without permission but now we have had the police do a search of the entire site due to nefarious growths being found. And i’m not talking about the allotments being overrun by giant radishes like last year. No, this year a few anarchic n’erdowells have been openly growing drugs in amongst the organic veg. So far marajoanna, magic mushrooms, cocaine and nurofen have been found and confiscated. So please let’s stamp out this drug terror before it takes over. Thanking you. Clifford Pinner. Chairperson. Beckworth Allotment Committee

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(Above) Some of the magic mushroom drugs found by Police earlier today

Royal Roundabout Opening Postponed

Hello. Just to say that due to council incompetence the new mini roundabout outside the McDonald’s drive-through won’t be finished this week as the work is over-running by at least three or four weeks. A council spokesperson stressed that Princess Kate Middleton (and her baby HRH King George) are still due to open the improved road junction and lend it her name. Clifford Pinner. Volunteer Road Safety Planning Advisor, Beckworth Coucil, Roads and Recreation Department

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(Above) The still unfinished Kate Middleton Mini Roundabout earlier today

 

Tour De Beckworth Success

Hello all. Just a quick thank you for all your support yesterday and especially to those of you who volunteered to mend punctures, hand out drinks and give directions to the cycle racers. It was a real shame that so many of the Tour De France competitors got lost due to the last minute Beckworth detour but they took it with great Gallic humour. So many of the racers enjoyed an unscheduled lunch pit stop at the Blind Beggar pub that it had a lock-in (and i’m told a few of the cyclists are still in there enjoying the local ale and our great British jukebox). Thanks Clifford Pinner. Tour De France Steering Committee Chairperson and Senior Route Advisor, Beckworth and Slocombe Division

Bikes along Cambie and Cordova - Vancouver

(Above) Tour De France cyclists taking the scenic route

Beckworth’s Tour De France

Hello. Just an excited reminder that many roads will be closed tomorrow as we welcome the Worlds’ most famous french cycling race through the heart of our town. I am of course talking about Le Tour De France (The Tour Of France). It is bound to cause traffic mayhem and shop closures but will be worth it to see half a dozen or so of the best French cyclists come pootling through our streets followed by some motorbikes and Citroen cars with bikes on their roofs. So please bare in mind if you fancy going anywhere in Beckworth tomorrow you won’t be able to, except on foot, or preferably pedal bike. Yours Clifford Pinner. Tour De France Steering Committee Chairperson and Senior Route Advisor, Beckworth and Slocombe Division

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(Above) An artists impression of the Tour De France racing through Beckworth