Conservatives Sweep Back Into Power

Political news just in… Congratulations are in order as our local Conservative candidate was swept into power and returned to Government with a powerful majority of 23 votes (it may be 24 but who’s counting?). A chuffed Stephen Tooting-Broadway MP told me over a brunch i paid for that his campaign had rubbished the opposition and he’d won on popular policies penalising the poor for having no money and for being lazy fat unwashed scroungers. Well done to Stephen for standing up for those of us who own our homes and dislike foreigners… Christine Batley. Deputy Chief Generlal Election Correspondent. Beckworth And Slocombe Herald Incorporating Nightly Gazette

Last Call For Voters

A political plea just in… Don’t forget to vote (Conservative) today before it’s too late and the country goes to the dogs under a Labour / BNP / Liberal Democrat coalition… Our future is in your hands so don’t let the young and the poor ruin it. Christine Batley. Deputy Chief General Election Correspondent. Beckworth And Slocombe Herald Incorporating Nightly Gazette

Where’s Wally? He’s In The Library!!

Hi, I just wanted to remind parents that tomorrow Wally Walloon, the star of Belgian TV’s famous children’s show Le Diable en Pantalon, will be performing his new one man show in the library garden (weather permitting, if it’s p***ing it down he’ll set up in the Gent’s toilet). Wally, the famous 11-fingered master of shadow puppetry (he recently lost a finger in a road-trafiic accident involving a lawn-mower), will perform his all new show “Jean-Paul Dans Le Jardin” in French with subtitles provided on a powerpoint presentation alongside. The show starts at 2pm and entry is £12 per child, under 3s £6 and adults £18, but hurry as tickets are very limited. Thanks Natalie Clifton. Tourist Information.

Have A healthier Fish & Chip Day

Hello all you lucky peoples, If you looking for a much healthier fish n chip shop day day-out, then you must come and enjoy a kebab instead… Beckworth’s favourite fast food establishment will be opening 11 ’til 11 to give good service to all you fish and potato fans who prefer a beautiful kebab. A large donna kebab for £15.99 each is not to be missed, so you come and take-away. It’s not a day to be missed, so come and be healthy at Knossos Kebabs. Khristos will see you later today. Remember it’s only while stocks last…

Khristos Knossos. Knossos Kebabs

Happy Fish N Chip day

Today is the most exciting day of the year, bar none. Yes it’s World Fish N Chip Day and to celebrate the World’s favourite Beckworth-based chip shop, Chip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah is having a sale. Yes, we’re offering a mighty 11% off most orders over £37 (excluding fish cakes, mars bars and mushy peas), whilst stocks last… So get your laughing gear round the nations favourite mouth-watering fish supper tonight! Lance & Brenda Colville, Chip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Chip Shop