Online Yoga Begins This Week

Hello. I am very happy to announce that this week Keira Knightley’s Kingdom Adventure Centre will start broadcasting yoga directly into Beckworth’s living rooms. Or garages. Or wherever it is you do yoga without nosey neighbours and perverts watching. The daily yoga classes will be hosted online, via the centre’s website, by Mrs Knightly herself (she is a recently trained brown belt in yoga). Log on every weekday at 10am to see Keira, the brown goddess in action. Have a good day, Beth Rochester. Acting Manageress, Keira Knightley’s Kingdom Adventure Centre

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(Above) Keira Knightley 

 

The KKK’s Partial Closure

Hello. It is with a heavy heart that I have to announce the temporary closure of the skate park in the Keira Knightley’s Kingdom adventure centre. This is due to large cracks appearing all over the Ms Knightey’s Film Career Mosaics, rendering the skate ramps and bowls a hazard. I will keep you posted on how rapidly this popular part of the KKK can be reopened, at present we are awaiting an expert inspection of Keira’s fissures. The rest of the centre, BMX track, jungle gym, climbing wall, archery corridor, vegan cafe and death slide, are mercifully unaffected. Have a good day, Beth Rochester. Acting Manageress, Keira Knightley’s Kingdom adventure centre

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(Above) Ms Knightley practicing in the recently redecorated archery corridor