Ticket’s On Sale For Royal Wedding, FA Cup Buffet & Live Music

Just a quick to reminder that tickets are still available for Saturday’s most-of-the-day and evening Royal Wedding bash. We’re opening at 11 – 11 to celebrate the wedding of Prince William and Meghan Markle and will be showing TV coverage of the happy event on a laptop placed on the bar. We are also hoping to show (if the WiFi doesn’t play up) the FA Cup on a tablet that can passed around the pub… We’ll be letting kids play unsupervised in the garden and car park, and there’s likely to be an ice cream van parked across the road, so parents can get completely leathered whilst singing joyous songs and shouting at the screen. Entry to the pub on Saturday will be by pre-purchased tickets only and a finger buffet including pork scratchings and peanuts will be included in the price. In the evening miming sensation (and Meghan Markle tribute act) Meghan Sparkle will be performing songs from her favourite West End musicals whilst stood next to a life-size cardboard effigy of Princess Markles’s husband to be… Tickets cost £213.45 (children £100), so join us to see the future King & Queen getting hitched whilst the footies on. Featured ale is Prince Charles’s Organic Wallop and we’ve a got a few prizes to hand out to the first ten punters dressed as Royalty through the door. So see you on Saturday. Cindy Carmarthen, Bar Manager, The Blind Badger Pub & Venue

Tickets Still On Sale Now For Tonight’s Hootananny

Just a quick to reminder that tickets are still available for tonight’s New Years’ Eve Hootananny bash. Unfortunately Jesus’s favourite God-bothering folk trio The Faith Tones won’t now be performing due to one of the members being banged up at her Majesty’s pleasure (again)… As a last minute replacement Essex’s latest Status Quo tribute act Quatus Sto have stepped up, so be sure to wear denim tonight and be prepared to rock out, or whatever you do at a Quo concert… Doors open at 6.30, and tickets cost £95.49 which includes a “finger” buffet of Christmas leftovers. So join us to see the new year in, let’s hope it’s better than 2017 (which shouldn’t be too hard!). Tonight’s featured ale is The President’s Syrup and we’ve a got a few used Christmas cracker hats to hand out to the first ten punters dressed in “full Quo attire” through the door. So see you later. Cindy Carmarthen, Bar Manager, The Blind Badger Pub & Venue

We’re Going Beserking For Twerking

Hello everyone, your favourite pub landlady here… This is a message to remind you all that next Friday night The Blind Badger will be hosting the 7th Annual International Twerking Finals in our back room. Quite a few of the World’s finest twerkers will be descending on Beckworth in the hope of winning a miniature tin trophy and £550 prize money. Strictly Come Dancing’s ex-“Mr Seven” Len Goodman will be leading the judging panel which includes local celeb and handyman Les Dennis and that bloke off the telly who once played Alfie Moon on Eastenders. A rivetting evening is assured and after the finals Gareth Gates’ Mobile Disco will be rocking the room. It’s only a tenner on the door and this week’s featured ale at the pub is Liquid Night-Rogen. Warning: If you don’t like people wearing flesh-coloured bikinis, showing off their bottoms or grabbing their genitals, then please stay at home! Cindy Carmarthen, Bar Manager, The Blind Badger Pub & Venue

World Famous Tribute Act Performing Tonight

Hi to all, this is to remind you that tickets are still available for tonight’s traditional May Day concert in the front bar. This year we’re lucky to have probably the World’s  favourite Led Zeppelin tribute act performing, Ned Zeppelin. Ned is new to these shores (He’s never been out of Hungary before) and follows a long family line of Led Zep tribute acts that have wowed Eastern Europe in the past (His Dad Jed and Grandfather Ted were equally famous in their day). Ned was recently voted Hungary’ 98th favourite covers act and his one-man band will be playing all the many hits, and misses, of Led Zeppelin. Hungarys’ favourite DJ Shane 54 will be compering the event and his sister Nikki 54 has promised to perform some exotic dancing between songs. There’ll also be a MayDay buffet so come down and get involved people. This is your MayDay, so use it or lose it… Doors open at 6.46, tickets cost just £105.60 and tonight’s featured real ale is Hungary Like The Wolf. So see you this evening. Cindy Carmarthen, Bar Manager, The Blind Badger Pub & Venue

St Patricks Day Gig Tonight

Hi to all, this is to remind you that tickets are still available for tonight’s St Patrick’s Day concert in the front bar. This year we’re lucky to have Truck Morrison & The Blarney Stones playing all night and no doubt through til morning. Recently voted the nations’ 224th favourite Van Morrison and Rolling Stones covers band (as voted for in The Daily Telegraph), the 22 piece band will be playing and between songs telling Irish jokes to raise money for next week’s Comic Relief. Irelands’ favourite DJ Graham Norton will be compering the event and Michael Flatley‘s sister Maddy has promised to pop by to perform the whole of Riverdance on her own whilst the band plays. There’ll also be a St Patrick’s buffet so come down and jig along. Doors open at 6.46, and tickets cost £134.50. Tonight’s featured real ale is Shane MacGowen’s Smile, and we’ve also got a few old garden gnomes (painted to look like lovely leprechauns) for sale. So see you this evening. Cindy Carmarthen, Bar Manager, The Blind Badger Pub & Venue

Tickets On Sale Now For Hootananny

This joyful message is to remind you lucky people of Beckworth that tickets are still available for tomorrow night’s New Years’ Eve Hootananny bash. And as it is becoming a local tradition (and as they are the only cheap act not booked to play anywhere else on New Years’ Eve) Jesus’s favourite folk trio The Faith Tones will be performing… The God-bothering “all-female” trio, will be playing tracks from their reissued bargain-bin Christmas LP 21 Songs for Jesus’s Birthday. Doors open at 6.30, and tickets cost £65.50 which includes an all-you-can-carry-on-a-tiny-plate “finger” buffet. So join us and see the new year in with some gender-challenging religious lady singers and get lathered on the over-ordered real ale left over from last new year’s eve. Last year’s featured ale was Worzel’s Rusty Nail and we’ve a got a few old Christmas crackers to hand out to the first ten punters in “fancy dress” through the door. So see you tomorrow, or whenever News Year Eve actually is. Cindy Carmarthen, Bar Manager, The Blind Badger Pub & Venue

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Come And Hear An EU Debate With Politicians Who’ve Actually Been To Europe. Once.

Hi. Are you still undecided which way to vote in tomorrow’s once in a lifetime EU referendum? Maybe you want to hear the truth about leaving or staying for yourself? Or perhaps you just want an evening’s entertainment watching two posh right-wing politicians shout loudly and borishly at each other in your local pub? Well lucky for you we’re hosting a debate tonight between two such prominent toff MPs followed by a disco, and tickets are still available on the door (£42.28 each, under 5′s free). Shouting loudly in support of thinly disguised jingoism, will be Tory MP for East Jaywick, Sir Dennis “Mungbean” Farringdon-Station OBE (Brexit). And berating him with complete falsehoods and libelous slurs will be hedge-fund manager and disgraced Tory MP for Waveney, Rory “Ra Ra Ra I Schooled With Wills and Harry” Hemel-Hemstead CBE (Remain). It is bound to be a enlightening evening if we can work out what they are saying in their stuffy accents. And probably a bloody good laugh if we can’t. Doors open at 8.46, and tonight’s featured real ale is Well Bugger Me. So see you this evening. Cindy Carmarthen, Bar Manager, The Blind Badger Pub & Venue

MayDay Mayhem Tonight

This is a message to all of you who like your metal very heavy and rusty, and your ale cheap and foul tasting. Today, to celebrate May Day, local metal covers bands, Bachman Turner Overdraft, Grey Sabbath, Deep Turtle, and Matt Allica will be turning our beer garden into a muddy moshpit whilst drunkards dance round an improvised Maypole. We’re also hoping headliner Eddie Van Rental will get here in time to play, he’s just waiting to see if he can get his tourbus (a moped) fixed. But if not Bachman Turner Overdraft have offered to play their set at least twice. It’s only sixteen quid on the door, first band are on at 10am, and Mayday’s featured ale at the pub is Freddie Mercury’s Tache. Warning: If you’re coming for lunch with the family it’s probably best to stay in the lounge inside! Cindy Carmarthen, Bar Manager, The Blind Badger Pub & Venue

Autosave-File vom d-lab2/3 der AgfaPhoto GmbH

(Above) Bachman Turner Overdraft in action at last year’s May Day. Photo taken by a drunk punter but you get the idea!

Residents Vote On Name For Zoo’s Latest Addition

Breaking legless reptile news just in…You may remember that four weeks ago Beckworth Zoo was blessed with the arrival of a baby male Anaconda and the excited keepers asked local residents to come up with, and vote for, a suitable name for the cuddly critter. Well the votes have been counted and the results are in…. They are as follows: The third most popular choice with 6 votes was Anna (coincidentally the same name as the baby boy’s mother and father, uncle, grandmother and great-granddad). Second was Snakin’ Stevens with 23 votes but the most popular name by far (with a massive 48 votes) was… drum roll please… Scaley McSnakeface. So well done to all Beckworth voters, the 24′ long baby now has a very apt name. Christine Batley. Chief “Serpent” Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

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(Above) Scaley, the cute baby ananconda, having his breakfast earlier today

St Patricks Day Gig Tonight

Hi to all, this is to remind you that tickets are still available for tonight’s St Patrick’s Day concert in the front bar. This year we’re lucky to have Truck Morrison & The Blarney Stones playing all night and no doubt through til morning. Recently voted the nations’ 224th favourite Van Morrison and Rolling Stones covers band (as voted for in The Daily Telegraph), the 22 piece band will be playing whilst running on the spot to raise money for tomorrow’s Sport Relief. Irelands’ favourite DJ Graham Norton will be compering the event and Michael Flatley‘s sister Maddy has promised to pop by to perform the whole of Riverdance on her own whilst the band plays. There’ll also be a St Patrick’s buffet so come down and jig along. Doors open at 6.46, and tickets cost £134.50. Tonight’s featured real ale is Shane MacGowen’s Smile, and we’ve also got a few old garden gnomes (painted to look like lovely leprechauns) for sale. So see you this evening. Cindy Carmarthen, Bar Manager, The Blind Badger Pub & Venue

Beckworth Graham Norton

(Above) Graham Norton arriving early at the pub to practice his DJ set