Heroic Son Speed Skates To Rio

Hello to Beckworth residents and to the many millions of my husband Noel’s dedicated fans. I wanted to keep you updated with the whereabouts of our youngest son Neil, the World famous ice skating champion and mime artist, last seen serving six years hard-labour in an Italian jail. Well, I’m pleased to announce that he escaped prison and today our dear boy arrived safely in Brazil. Handsome Neil hitched a six-month lift from Italy to Rio on a leaky oil tanker and practiced skating almost daily on the rusty deck. You may remember he left Beckworth a couple of years ago on his solo around the World quest and after a few hiccups is now at the 2016 Olympics. He sadly isn’t competing due to alleged irregularities, which we blame on his Russian trainer, but will be watching many events including his favourite event. The diving. You can sponsor Edmunds Jnr on his around the world trip via his dad (Noel Edmunds)’s Deal Or No deal website, and believe me he needs all the money he can get. Bribed prison guards, Olympic tickets and five-star hotels don’t come cheap, even when you’re the son of the World’s greatest TV game-show host. Many thanks (Mrs) Nell Edmunds

Oiltanker

(Above) A artist’s impression of an oil tanker ideal for Neil Edmunds to skate on

Heroic Son Reaches Italy At Last

Dear Beckworth. As promised I am keeping you, the many millions, if not billions, of my husband Noel’s fans up to date with whereabouts of our youngest son Neil. Neil is a celebrated ice skating champion and mime artist, now celebrating the first year of his world Ice Skating tour, which has so taken in Kent, Gdansk, France (twice), Belgium and a stretch in a Spanish prison. He has just arrived at the Italian border and we can report that he is being held in a secure facility by customs, who think he is an illegal immigrant. His father Noel Edmonds hopes to fly out in a few weeks to secure Neil’s release, once he’s finished the new series of Deal Or No Deal. Neil still needs sponsorship so please donate via his dad’s website or by giving us cash in person. Many thanks (Mrs) Nell Edmonds
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(Above) Neil Edmonds accommodation in sunny Italy

Valiant Son Resumes Ice-Skating Quest

Dear Beckworth and a big hello to the legions of my husband Noel’s fans. Apologies  for not keeping you informed of the whereabouts of our youngest son Neil, the World famous ice skating champion and mime artist. As you know he left Beckworth a few months ago to take on a death-defying challenge, to skate and mime solo around the World, and was last heard of arriving in Liege, Belgium. Since then poor Neil has had to rest up for months in a five-star hotel due to a sprained ankle and visa violations. But now he is fully mended and with a valid passport is on the move again… With your help he aims to buy a first-class train ticket to Gdansk, to enter next months’ Eastern European Mime, Ice Skating and Whelk Eating Championships. It will be televised so his Dad and I are going join Neil there, and we will be representing the UK to in the mixed-doubles figure-skating category, so wish us luck. We are hoping this will get us interviewed on Euro telly, which will do wonders for Noel selling the Telly Addicts format overseas. You can sponsor us, or Neil on his 36 month gap year trip around the world, via his dad’s Deal Or No deal website or by giving us your credit card details in person. Please give generously! Many thanks (Mrs) Nell Edmonds

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(Above) Noel and Nell Edmonds practice their tripple-silco in advance of competing in the Gdansk championships

Heroic Son Speed Skates On Euro Soil

Dear Beckworth and hello to the many millions of my husband Noel’s fans. As promised I want to keep you up to date with whereabouts of our youngest son Neil, the World famous ice skating champion and mime artist. He left Beckworth a few weeks ago on his solo around the World quest and after a few mishaps, including time in the cells for jaywalking (actually jay skating) has arrived in Liege, Belgium. He told me in an emotional text message last night that he had just performed in the towns’ famed Ice Skating & Mime Festival and come 27th in the speed skating, so well done to Neil. You can sponsor him on his 3 year around the world trip via his dad’s Deal Or No deal website or by giving us loose change in person. Many thanks (Mrs) Nell Edmunds

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(Above) Neil Edmunds takes a tumble during his routine last night

Heroic Son Reaches Dover

Dear Beckworth. As promised I am keeping the many millions of my husband Noel’s fans up to date with whereabouts of our youngest son Neil, the World famous ice skating champion and mime artist. He left Beckworth last week (i forget which day) and was accompanied to the south coast by his brother Nial and sister Bury-Saint. Unfortunately due to rain storms blunting his skates Neil arrived at the Channel Ferry Port in Dover too late and missed the ferry to France. But as luck would have it a ferry was going to Holland, or Belgium (i’m not sure which) and he is now on that instead. So by tomorrow morning our intrepid son will be on the European leg of his around the World ice skating and mime quest. You can sponsor Neil via his dad’s Deal Or No deal website or by giving us cash in person. Many thanks (Mrs) Nell Edmunds

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(Above) The Calais ferry leaves Dover without skater Neil Edmunds onboard earlier today

AuRevoir To Our Heroic Son

Dear Beckworth and the many millions of my husband Noel’s fans who will be reading this. This morning was a bittersweet day for the Edmunds clan as we waved goodbye to our youngest son Neil, the World famous ice skating champion and mime artist. We waved him off first thing this morning on the first leg of his circumnavigation of the globe on ice skates (following the route taken by the intrepid father and daughter team Torvill and Dean in the 1980s). To make the trip even more media savvy Neil has also taken a vow of dumbness and will only converse with foreign people and reporters he meets on route through the medium of mime. His brother Nial and sister Bury-Saint will accompany Neil to the Channel Ferry, which is comforting, but beyond that he will be totally on his own (His father Noel having so far failed to get Channel 4 to make a documentary of the expedition and follow Neil with a camera crew). On a brighter note, through sponsorship our son hopes to raise money for the Beckworth Ice Rink whilst raising awareness of mime, and not talking in general. You can sponsor Neil via his dad’s Deal Or No deal website or by giving us cash in person. Neil hopes to raise at least £5000 whilst on his epic 3 year journey which should be enough for the Rink to buy some new lockers and hand-dryers in the loos. I hope to keep everyone up to date on this epic adventure as Neil promises to ring me most days if his mobile phone has enough credits. Many thanks (Mrs) Nell Edmunds

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(Above) An emotional Noel Edmunds waves off his children earlier today