Hello Beckworthians, i’m so pleased to announce that at last the councils costly IT department are back in place, and we can once again become bloggers. My first post, this one, is for condolences: for the loss of our dear Queen, who spent many a moment driving through Beckworth on her way to places of interest to her, and condolences to us all that the Tories in their “wisdom” voted in Liz Truss to be the tenth PM in just five years (I have it on good authority that Ms Truss is keen to build both a motorway and high speed rail track on our doorstep.) As a mark of respect to our late monarch Beckworths’ public toilets will be closed until after her funeral on Monday and, once the new signage has been painted, be renamed the QE 2 Loos in her honour. Also a book of condolence has been opened in the library next to a picture of the late Queen when she visited Beckworth in her silver Jubilee year (those of us old enough to remember will recall her car broke down in the town and she went into the pub to call, and wait for, the AA). God bless her late Majesty, and God Save The King.
His humble servant, Mayor Gary Grimsby
Hello all Beckworthians, it’s good to be (almost) back online…. We are close to raising enough funds to re-instate the councils costly IT department, and we’ve also caved into their demands to continue to working from home, or the pub; such is progress. When the IT department is up and running we can resume uploading resident’s blog posts and missives… so watch this space. Mayor Gary Grimsby
Apologies to all. This weekend’s News At Ten fan convention has been postponed for the second year due to the ongoing draconian lock-down measures being in place. As you will be aware only six are currently allowed to meet indoors, except at weddings and sporting events. The organisers had protested that a fan convention should be classed as sport but a licence was sadly declined. Although the scout hut location for the event is perfect for small gatherings, based on previous years we expecting crowds of 7 or 8 attendees. Organisers hope to host the event later in the year unless, thanks to the UK’s current very lax border control & lack of robust travel restrictions, we are in the midst of a fourth or fifth wave of Covid. I’ll let you know the new date when I have it. Gary Grimsby. Mayor
Today, I think we can hug, and have six people indoors…
Hello Beckworth. It’s your glorious Mayor here… Don’t forget tomorrow, the annual french Le Marche De Fromage Et Onion (Cheese And Onion Market) will be back in town. All sellers have been in quaranteen & tested daily for a couple of weeks whilst staying at the local campsite, so are Covid free. This is the first chance to buy expensive french cheeses and onions directly from stall-holders and to be abused in two languages. Last years online event was sadly a debacle not to be repeated. Cheese doesn’t travel well in the post from France… Due to social distancing we will be limiting numbers entering the market and queueing systems will be in place… Alcohol will be prohibited offered due to previous drunken incidents by a rowdy few.
As is traditional (face mask wearing) Emmental Fromagiers will set off from from Town Hall steps at 10am on Sunday and parade along Floyd Street to the market.
If the weather perks up (it doesn’t feel like Spring, April has been so cold) there will be events for the whole family (maximum six members excluding small animals). Socially distanced morris dancing by The Beckworth Bothamers is likely, but there’ll be no clacking of sticks or such interaction between them. A kite display by local celebrity Noel Edmunds is very likely as Noel says he needs the publicity and of course the highlight of the afternoon will be the crowning of Beckworth’s Miss Garlic 2021 (He crown and robes will be thrown to her or him from a safe distance (2 metre plus).
This year the “now all electric” steam-driven carrousel and dodgems” will be for viewing only from a safe distance, as will Flintlock Farm’s Mobile (Non)Petting Zoo. Derek Shipston’s (non-violent, non-swearing PC) Punch & Judy show is likely to be set up to entertain Covid free children and the Beckworth & Crewbury Historical Re-enactors plan to stage their once popular The Life Of Joan Of Arc at The Sports Field.
Have happy and safe Mayday.Thanking you most warmly. Aashif Ackworth. Mayor.
Hello Beckworth. This is your “now i’m getting tough” leader speaking. It is with a heavy heart that, having taken Police advice I have decided to close all our parks and green spaces. Yesterday thousands of young, middle-aged and old people who should know better literally flooded the local parks, no doubt putting themselves and others at risk. Please stay home. Keep well. Thanking you most warmly. Aashif Ackworth. Mayor.
(Above) An artists impression of Beckworth’s locked park gates
Hello Beckworth. This is your C-Virus free leader speaking. It is with a heavy heart that I have to announce, that as of midnight tonight all non-essential shops will close in Beckworth and surrounding towns and villages. Food retailers, off licences, chemists, carpet showrooms, banks and post offices will remain open for the time being, but if visiting any of these please consider others and keep two metres apart. The park remains open but only for jogging, no walking please as this will lead to congestion. We need to take this virus very seriously, I myself am in lockdown keeping the council running on your behalf, with only the council staff to bring me anything I require at any time. Keep home, keep well. Thanking you most warmly. Aashif Ackworth. Mayor.
(Above) A very well locked Beckworth shop earlier today
Hello Beckworth. This is your leader speaking. Like many of you I am currently working from home, with my council staff delivering food and meals to me… As you know we took the decision this week to postpone the Annual Mothering Sunday Donkey, Sheep and Poultry Farmer’s Market, which was due to happen today. We looked at taking the event online, using video calling, but when we tried it on Friday it proved impossible to get the animals to “perform to camera.” So now the free event will most likely be postponed until Father’s Day… We’re not sure when that is but Countryfile‘s John Craven (who will host the event) has said he’ll try and find out. I’ll keep you posted, and in the meantime if you have any home-cooked meals or alcoholic drink to deliver to me, please leave all items in my porch, ring the doorbell and run. Thanking you most warmly. Aashif Ackworth. New Mayor.
(Above) An artists accurate depiction of the empty market yesterday, or perhaps today