First Lady To Open Redecorated Room In Library Today

Hello Beckworth. I hope this message finds you well, and you are enjoying seeing the bunting your council has put up as a welcome to the Trump family to the UK. They were due stay in the caravan park just outside in Beckworth but their caravan got double booked so I hear they’re bedding down at a B&B in London… Anyway I am about to let a cat out of a bag. Yes I have a big secret to share! But you promise not to share… At 11am Mrs President Trump will open the redecorated Pamela Anderson Memorial Room in the library, and we  will be renaming it the First Lady Melony Trump Room in her honour (and as a thanks for her buying the paint, turps and brushes). I’m unsure if Mr Trump will be attending as his meeting with Prime Minister May may overrun… So if you free at 11 why not come along and cheer at Melony, I’m sure she will be pleased. Thanking you most warmly. Aashif Ackworth. Mayor. Beckworth Town Council

St Georges Day Parade

Hello Beckworth. May I wish my residents a happy St Georges Day, a time for us all to celebrate the patron Saint of Great Britain and reflect on what it means to be British, no matter of your creed, colour or choice of football team. A time to come together, wave flags and cheer at a small parade as it makes its way quickly through the crowded streets of Beckworth, led by the Scouts and Brownies marching band, followed by some floats and a full-scale paper-mache knight attacking a giant dragon. The latter, which is cleverly mounted on a bike, was made by local school children a few years ago as a topical allegory in remembrance of both World Wars (or so I’m told. It made little sense to me when I first saw it. It doesn’t even look like a dragon, more like a big cat). After the parade has ended there will be a historical re-enactment on the sports field of George killing the dragon and a cream tea will be on sale. We had hoped for a flypast of drones but permission was not granted by the aviation authority. To make it a day out for the whole family pre-school children can have St George flag face painting. Thanking you most warmly. Aashif Ackworth. Mayor

Seasons Greetings

Hello Beckworth. May I wish most of my Beckworth residents a belated Happy New Year (but not the scroungers who continue to blight the high street with their begging, swearing and amateur “statue” impersonations). I’m hoping 2019 will be better than 2018, which was, to quote HRH The Queen, my anus horribles. It was blighted by funding cuts, personal injury and an expensive divorce… and the strike (and subsequent laying off of) the councils IT department, which is why this blog has not been as regular as we’re used to… But volunteers have volunteered to try and get this town blog back up and running. I hope hoping this message finds you well rested and thrilled to be back at work. I myself have been away for a ten week fact-finding jaunt to China, the Government there seem keen to come and buy our stock of council housing, run our local transport and fund the Police force. Fingers crossed.
May I say how sorry I am that I missed famed Beckworth’s New Years eve, but once again, due to council funding cuts there was no official celebration, so thankfully I didn’t miss much. I myself, on your behalf, saw the new year in watching an amazing firework display over Beijing… The things I do for you! But perhaps next year, if Chinese funding permits such extravagance, we can restart the traditional death by burning of Old Man Beckworth (to say goodbye to the old year) and the “birthing” of Baby Beckworth to welcome in the new year. So may I take this opportunity to wish us all a prosperous 2019. Thanking you most warmly. Aashif Ackworth. Mayor

Belated Happy Christmas, And Apologies For The Cancellation Of Swimming

Good morning fellow Beckworthers and a belated happy Christmas. I had thought the Mayor would have posted a blog from his “fact-finding council paid” holiday in the Bahamas, but it appears to have slipped his mind so you have me instead… So please let me wish you a belated Happy Christmas and I wanted to apologise for the last minute cancellation of this years traditional Boxing Day Swimming Race. Recent rupturing of local sewers have left the River Winnet unsafe for humans and so a swim in the currents wasn’t advisable. Race organiser (and MP) Hilary Benn says she hopes to reschedule the race for sometime in early 2018. Yours, Mrs Anne Chovey DFC, deputy Mayoress