Don’t Get Hot, Don’t Get Cross, Get A Kabab This Easter

Show the one you love how much you care this Easter. Forget your sad hot cross buns and chocolate eggs, have a kebab delivered instead… We will deliver all you need for Easter, safely through your letter box, and for the lowly price of £39.99 per kebab (including delivery). Stay well, stay home. Khristos Knossos, Knossos Kebabs

Delivering Hot Cross Kebab

(Above) An artist’s impression of a hot cross kebab being carefully delivered

Deliver Love & Food To Mama This Mother’s Day

Delivering Kebab V1

This special message to anyone not following Boris advice and sneaking out to celebrate Mum’s day in style… Yes, if you want to buy your Mama or Nene a beautiful, hand wrapped kebab rather than flowers we got plenty here, and only £9.99 each (whilst stocks last), and if you key worker we give you free salad… The best bit is a kebab can be safely delivered through a letter box, so you not spread filthy germs… It’s a day not to be missed, so deliver love, joy and a kebab to all your mother’s and Grandmother. Stay well, stay home (apart from coming to Knossos Kebabs). Khristos Knossos. 

Spend Valentine Evening Eating The Food Of Love. Kebabs

You lucky bloods, today is the day of love, 24 hours of carnal delights and showing off to the arm candy, reeeeeght… St Valentines Day comes once in a year and it’s one of the only days I’m trusted to look after the hood in my Dad’s absence, as he’s taken my Mum out for spa day (what a sap)… anyway today i’m throwing a hardcore offer on you wiggas… So boom; tonight I’ll be flying solo and staying opening extra late to cater for those hungry home skillets and BFs who want a truly memorable night. Also, i’m offering a one night only all you can eat offer (from the salad bowl only) for all customers prove they’re a daddy or baby girl (something X-rated on your phone should it!). The salad will be free for any crew dropping large notes on two large donar kebab, two large fries and a couple of greek beers. Also, after 9.30 my brother, MC Kofte, will be dropping some huge tunes so come down to move a sick muscle. All for just £39.99. See you later gangstas.

Steve Knossos AKA MC Shish. Knossos Kebabs

Support Local Businesses This Black Friday

Hello all. I just wanted to share the offers some of Beckworth’s forward-thinking local traders are offering today in celebration of Black Friday… I’m told that Abdul’s The Chemist are offering a saving of 10% on all flavoured condoms and novelty mouthwash purchased alongside any NHS prescription… Knossos Kebabs have a 50p reduction on all kebabs if customers use the code KRAP19… Anglican Windows are offering a free door with any 30 plastic windows paid in full today… There’s half-price entry to the Banana Museum… The Lesbian And Gay And Bi-Sexual Society will be having cocktails and fannytails in the scout hut tonight (not sure if this to do with Black Friday or not?)…. Beckworth Police have a sale on their very popular “pre-loved” truncheons and handcuffs… The scouts are offering half-price “bob-a-job” when they get back home from school… The Blind Badger pub will be opening until 1am with discounts on out-of-date bar snacks… Master Gregs The Grocers are giving “a cuddle from Greg Wallace” away with every 2kg of carrots… and Fawkes Funerals have 10% off all 2nd hand coffins if ordered before 4pm today… So you’ve lots of reasons to shop locally today and support Beckworth High Street… Yours sincerely, Valerie Saddleworth CBE. Chairlady. The Beckworth Guild of Trade & Commerce

Kebabs On The Moon

Hey, you Beckworth people today is your lucky day… Here at Knossos Kebabs we celebrate Man Of The Moon by serving up Moon themed kebabs until 1.25am tonight. Just like astronauts you can eat a kebab looking at the moon (it was the only food they ate whilst in their rocket), and as we generous we’ll donate 50p “to charity” for anyone who can eat a donna & chips in the time it takes us to shout “5, 4 , 3, 2, 1, blast off” very loudly through a loud haler! So bring all your family and friends to party like it’s 1969 at Kape Konaveral (we’ll not be selling food or drink at 1969 prices so don’t get your hope up). Today only we’re offering large “Moon Dust” donna kebabs for £19.99 each (whilst stocks last) and we’ve laid on a local star, the UK’s 44th best David Bowie/Cilla Black impersonator Cilla Sawdust, to sing Ground Control To Major Tom repeatedly, or at least until the batteries in his ghetto blaster run out. Happy Moon Walk day and see you tonight, or this afternoon…. And please bring cash as the card machine is still broken.

Khristos Knossos. Knossos Kebabs

Make Your Mothers Day An Evening To Remember

Hey, you people with Mothers, Grandmothers and great-Grandfathers, today is your lucky day… Yes it is Mother’s Day and to celebrate we will be open until 11.15pm tonight to dish up our fabulous food to as many of your lovely Mum’s as possible. And what mums wouldn’t want to spend her special evening with us here at her favourite kebab shop, Knossos Kebabs? For today only we’re offering large “Mumma’s” donna kebabs for £13.99 each (whilst stocks last) and we’ve laid on a local star, Mr Entertainment Man himself, a man that every old mama will love. Yes, we’ve booked local Ed Sheeran tribute act, Ted Sheeran, to sing along to a CD of hits by the real Mr Sheerans. We’ve only got 6 proper seats in the shop, but now have 4 deckchairs and an umbrella outside our kebab shop so most people can get get comfy (if it’s not too windy and the umbrella stays up). But maybe you come early and not stay long. It’s a night out Mamas won’t want to miss, so bring all your old folk to eat with Khristos. Happy Mothers day and see you tonight…. Please bring cash as the card machine has broken.

Khristos Knossos. Knossos Kebabs

Enjoy All Tomorrow’s Matches With A Kebab

Hey you lucky people, tomorrow is not one but two matches going on, so we have much to be celebrate… and what more British way to be celebrate a wedding and a football match than with a traditional kebab. So your favourite kebab house we will be opening 9am ’til 12.15pm to serve as many of your lovely wedding and football fans as possible. And so you can keep in touch with Mrs Markle and Prince Harold we will have the radio on throughout the wedding and then switch channels to hear the football cup… For one day only we’re offering large “Fit For A King’s Brother” donna kebabs for £13.99 each (whilst stocks last) and we’ve laid on a DJ for the evening. Yes, my nephew MC Knossos will be playing tapes he has recorded off the radio of all the latest pop hits. We’ve only got 6 proper seats and 2 deckchairs in our kebab shop so most people visiting will have to stand, but maybe you queue overnight so you there when we open. It’s a day out you peoples won’t want to miss, so bring all your families and friends to see Khristos. See you at 9 in the morning sharpish.

Khristos Knossos. Knossos Kebabs

Make Your Mother’s Year On Mother’s Day

Hey you lucky people who have Mums, Sunday is Mother’s Day and to celebrate we will be opening 11am ’til 11.15pm to serve as many of your lovely Mum’s as possible. And what Beckworth mum wouldn’t want to spend her special day with us at her favourite kebab shop, Knossos Kebabs? For one day only we’re offering large donna kebabs for £12.99 each (whilst stocks last) and we’ve laid on a star of radio, church and TV, an entertainment man that every lovely mama will love. Yes, we’ve booked local Sir Cliff Richard tribute act Richard Cliff to sing along to a CD of his hero’s hits through lunch and again at dinner time. We’ve only got 6 proper seats and 2 deckchairs in our kebab shop so most people will have to stand, but maybe you come early and not stay long. It’s a day out Mothers won’t want to miss, so bring all your mother’s and Grandmother to see Khristos. Or borrow one if yours is dead or in hospital. See you Sunday.

Khristos Knossos. Knossos Kebabs

Have A healthier Fish & Chip Day

Hello all you lucky peoples, If you looking for a much healthier fish n chip shop day day-out, then you must come and enjoy a kebab instead… Beckworth’s favourite fast food establishment will be opening 11 ’til 11 to give good service to all you fish and potato fans who prefer a beautiful kebab. A large donna kebab for £15.99 each is not to be missed, so you come and take-away. It’s not a day to be missed, so come and be healthy at Knossos Kebabs. Khristos will see you later today. Remember it’s only while stocks last…

Khristos Knossos. Knossos Kebabs