Support Local Businesses This Black Friday

Hello all. I just wanted to share the offers some of Beckworth’s forward-thinking local traders are offering today in celebration of Black Friday… I’m told that Abdul’s The Chemist are offering a saving of 10% on all flavoured condoms and novelty mouthwash purchased alongside any NHS prescription… Knossos Kebabs have a 50p reduction on all kebabs if customers use the code KRAP19… Anglican Windows are offering a free door with any 30 plastic windows paid in full today… There’s half-price entry to the Banana Museum… The Lesbian And Gay And Bi-Sexual Society will be having cocktails and fannytails in the scout hut tonight (not sure if this to do with Black Friday or not?)…. Beckworth Police have a sale on their very popular “pre-loved” truncheons and handcuffs… The scouts are offering half-price “bob-a-job” when they get back home from school… The Blind Badger pub will be opening until 1am with discounts on out-of-date bar snacks… Master Gregs The Grocers are giving “a cuddle from Greg Wallace” away with every 2kg of carrots… and Fawkes Funerals have 10% off all 2nd hand coffins if ordered before 4pm today… So you’ve lots of reasons to shop locally today and support Beckworth High Street… Yours sincerely, Valerie Saddleworth CBE. Chairlady. The Beckworth Guild of Trade & Commerce

Kebabs On The Moon

Hey, you Beckworth people today is your lucky day… Here at Knossos Kebabs we celebrate Man Of The Moon by serving up Moon themed kebabs until 1.25am tonight. Just like astronauts you can eat a kebab looking at the moon (it was the only food they ate whilst in their rocket), and as we generous we’ll donate 50p “to charity” for anyone who can eat a donna & chips in the time it takes us to shout “5, 4 , 3, 2, 1, blast off” very loudly through a loud haler! So bring all your family and friends to party like it’s 1969 at Kape Konaveral (we’ll not be selling food or drink at 1969 prices so don’t get your hope up). Today only we’re offering large “Moon Dust” donna kebabs for £19.99 each (whilst stocks last) and we’ve laid on a local star, the UK’s 44th best David Bowie/Cilla Black impersonator Cilla Sawdust, to sing Ground Control To Major Tom repeatedly, or at least until the batteries in his ghetto blaster run out. Happy Moon Walk day and see you tonight, or this afternoon…. And please bring cash as the card machine is still broken.

Khristos Knossos. Knossos Kebabs

Make Your Mothers Day An Evening To Remember

Hey, you people with Mothers, Grandmothers and great-Grandfathers, today is your lucky day… Yes it is Mother’s Day and to celebrate we will be open until 11.15pm tonight to dish up our fabulous food to as many of your lovely Mum’s as possible. And what mums wouldn’t want to spend her special evening with us here at her favourite kebab shop, Knossos Kebabs? For today only we’re offering large “Mumma’s” donna kebabs for £13.99 each (whilst stocks last) and we’ve laid on a local star, Mr Entertainment Man himself, a man that every old mama will love. Yes, we’ve booked local Ed Sheeran tribute act, Ted Sheeran, to sing along to a CD of hits by the real Mr Sheerans. We’ve only got 6 proper seats in the shop, but now have 4 deckchairs and an umbrella outside our kebab shop so most people can get get comfy (if it’s not too windy and the umbrella stays up). But maybe you come early and not stay long. It’s a night out Mamas won’t want to miss, so bring all your old folk to eat with Khristos. Happy Mothers day and see you tonight…. Please bring cash as the card machine has broken.

Khristos Knossos. Knossos Kebabs

Enjoy All Tomorrow’s Matches With A Kebab

Hey you lucky people, tomorrow is not one but two matches going on, so we have much to be celebrate… and what more British way to be celebrate a wedding and a football match than with a traditional kebab. So your favourite kebab house we will be opening 9am ’til 12.15pm to serve as many of your lovely wedding and football fans as possible. And so you can keep in touch with Mrs Markle and Prince Harold we will have the radio on throughout the wedding and then switch channels to hear the football cup… For one day only we’re offering large “Fit For A King’s Brother” donna kebabs for £13.99 each (whilst stocks last) and we’ve laid on a DJ for the evening. Yes, my nephew MC Knossos will be playing tapes he has recorded off the radio of all the latest pop hits. We’ve only got 6 proper seats and 2 deckchairs in our kebab shop so most people visiting will have to stand, but maybe you queue overnight so you there when we open. It’s a day out you peoples won’t want to miss, so bring all your families and friends to see Khristos. See you at 9 in the morning sharpish.

Khristos Knossos. Knossos Kebabs

Make Your Mother’s Year On Mother’s Day

Hey you lucky people who have Mums, Sunday is Mother’s Day and to celebrate we will be opening 11am ’til 11.15pm to serve as many of your lovely Mum’s as possible. And what Beckworth mum wouldn’t want to spend her special day with us at her favourite kebab shop, Knossos Kebabs? For one day only we’re offering large donna kebabs for £12.99 each (whilst stocks last) and we’ve laid on a star of radio, church and TV, an entertainment man that every lovely mama will love. Yes, we’ve booked local Sir Cliff Richard tribute act Richard Cliff to sing along to a CD of his hero’s hits through lunch and again at dinner time. We’ve only got 6 proper seats and 2 deckchairs in our kebab shop so most people will have to stand, but maybe you come early and not stay long. It’s a day out Mothers won’t want to miss, so bring all your mother’s and Grandmother to see Khristos. Or borrow one if yours is dead or in hospital. See you Sunday.

Khristos Knossos. Knossos Kebabs

Have A healthier Fish & Chip Day

Hello all you lucky peoples, If you looking for a much healthier fish n chip shop day day-out, then you must come and enjoy a kebab instead… Beckworth’s favourite fast food establishment will be opening 11 ’til 11 to give good service to all you fish and potato fans who prefer a beautiful kebab. A large donna kebab for £15.99 each is not to be missed, so you come and take-away. It’s not a day to be missed, so come and be healthy at Knossos Kebabs. Khristos will see you later today. Remember it’s only while stocks last…

Khristos Knossos. Knossos Kebabs

Make Mothering Day Sunday Extra Special Today

Hello all you lucky peoples with Mothers. And Grandmothers. Today is your Mother’s Day and to make it extra special your favourite fast food establishment will be opening 11 ’til 11 to give good service all the Mum’s you bring along. Your mothers will be treated like Kings for 12 hours at Knossos Kebabs. We’re offering any mature woman, who can prove she has offspring, a large donna kebab for £11.99 each (whilst stocks last). After the popularity of Mother’s Day in recent years we are once again laying on entertainment that every mama will love. Yes it’s our very own local Michael Buble tribute act, Michael Ball, singing all his hits, accompanied by his granddaughter Zoe on the spoons and eukele. We’ve brought extra seats to our kebab shop today so can sit 9 mums (or 3 large jolly ones) at any time, but any dads or sons and daughters will have to stand outside in the road. Or you come and take-away (there’s a bench down the street). It’s not a day to be missed, so bring us all your mothers. Khristos will see you later today. Remember it’s only while stocks last…

Khristos Knossos. Knossos Kebabs

Show Your Lady Love, Or Man Love, You Really Love Them Tonight

Yo lucky people, I’ve just found out that today is St Valentines Day and as I’m looking after the hood in my Dad’s absence i’m throwing a hardcore offer on you wiggas… So boom; tonight we will be staying opening extra late to cater for those hungry home skillets and BFs who want a truly memorable night. I’m offering a one night only all you can eat offer (from the salad bowl only) for all customers prove they’re a daddy or baby girl (a sextape on your phone that we can download should it!). The salad will be free for any crew dropping notes on two large donar kebab, two large fries and a couple of greek beers. Also, after 9.30 my brother will be dropping some huge tunes so come down to move a sick muscle. All for just £26.99. See you later gangstas.

Steve Knossos. Knossos Kebabs

Kebab Celebration for The Queen

Hey you lucky people, today the beloved HRH Queen becomes the oldest queen ever to have lived in this Great Britian and so it is time to celebrate. Big style. And as we know the best way to make a day special is with a kebab. And fries. We’ll be offering a one day only all you can eat until you’re sick offer (from the salad bowl only) for all the Queen fans who come wearing Queen t-shirts or carrying a signed photo of the Freddie Mercury. We’ll also be selling out-of-date greek beer from under the counter. And after 9.30 tonight we’ll be putting on a slide show of our recent visit to Buckingham Palace and have a Queen music tape playing to really make the day extra royal. All for just £24.99. At this crazy price why go anywhere else? We will be staying opening extra late to cater for the after-the-pubs-shut kebab-loving hungry royalists so why not bring the whole families for breakfast, lunch and dinner? Sees you later.

Khristos Knossos. Knossos KebabsBeckworth_Kebab_Queen

(Above) The HRH Queen making herself a kebab earlier today in celebration of 120 years or so of her sitting on the Royal throne