Paris Hilton Name Change

Howdy hi. After many years of legal wrangling and dozens of court appearances local heavy-rock duo The Paris Hilton are bowing to pressure from little-known American singer-songwriter Paris Hilton and changing their name. They had argued that she should change her name as they have been using it since 1989 but the courts ruled against them. So from now on the duo will be simply known as The Beijing Hilton to avoid confusion. Albert Leamington III. Band Manager.

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Easily confused: The Paris Hilton, as was (above left), and Paris Hilton as is (above right)

It’s Green Cross Day Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the longest day in a very long time and down at 99p Land we’re having a Green Cross sale to celebrate. Pop-in to 99p Land for all your mid-summer needs as there’s 10% off a few old sale items marked with a green cross. And in honour of this one day mid-summer sale we’ve got local celebrity Paris Hilton opening the shop with the first 10 customers through the door getting a 99p voucher to spend as they wish on the day (offer excludes cigarettes, folding-chairs, alcohol, picnic hampers, condoms, sunblock and carrots). We’re open 8 till 8 (closed for an hour at lunchtime) so it’s going to be a very long day indeed. Bim Gujranwala. Manager. 99p Land

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