Being an equal opportunities police force, we aim to bring you good and bad crime reports in equal measures. So, today we have good news; a ukulele has been handed in at the police station. It was found abandoned near St Faiths church, so perhaps belongs to someone in the choir? They must have noticed it’s gone as it’s rather large. I’ll put it with the other brass instruments we’ve got in lost property until the rightful owner shows up, or the clumsy thief hands themself in. The bad news is that no one has seen the stolen tank yet. If you do find a tank in your garden, or are part of the musical instrument robbery gang, please ring 999 and ask for PC R Cowgrove at Beckworth Police station. I’m hoping that both cases will net a tidy sum, in cash, as a reward. PC R Cowgrove

PS I’ve just been told it’s actually called a euphonium, this is what it looks like