Freedom 4 Fish Terror Plot Foiled On Bus

Hello all. It’s a very exciting start to the day as we have breaking news just in… Beckworth is today at the centre of a (thankfully foiled) major “Terror” incident and the town is crawling with police, vets and undercover SAS, probably. Plain clothed ticket-inspectors intercepted an anarchist group calling themselves Freedom 4 Fish on the number 4 bus to Slocombe Aquarium at 8.27 this morning. In a statement posted on twitter, and in the newsagent’s window, the group have stated their intention “to free all our fishy friends held captive against their will and give them a voice.” It went onto read “Just because they don’t have arms or legs (or means of communication) doesn’t mean (wo)mankind can ride rough-shod over their feelings. And not listen to fish opinions.” The card has since been removed as it hasn’t been paid for. Coleen Rooney who was travelling to work on the crowded bus told me over a cup of tea that the three members of Freedom 4 Fish captured by the inspector were disguised as school children and only aroused suspicion when one of the “kids” who had a very bushy ginger beard produced a twenty years out-of-date child’s bus-pass. I’ll let you know when I get more news on this terrifying aquatic story… Christine Batley. Chief Votes For Fish Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

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(Above) One of the naughty anarchist “school children” arrested earlier today (photo taken by Colleen Rooney on her phone)