Hello all. This Thursday local heroine Ava Berlin will turn 101 and to celebrate we will be having a small parade in her honour, complete with military marching band, tanks and a red-arrows flypast, through the streets of Beckworth.

Ava is the World’s last surviving WW2 female pilot, winner of an Iron Cross and was for years a teacher of Chemistry and German at the high school. I’m not alone in fondly remembering how she made school more enjoyable by teaching us how to make pipe-bombs and salute the fuhrer. After bad weather and public disobedience marred Ava’s last birthday parade we thought it fitting, as she’s lasted another 12 months, to have another go. But this time, for the public’s safety, she will be mounted on the back of a truck and supporters of the far-right are banned. Although it was undoubtedly spectacular that she did a very realistic Lady Godiva impersonation galloping on horseback through Beckworth, the police say this year they can’t spare the troops to keep order.
So come and see Miss Berlin recreating the last hours of Joan Of Arc on a lorry from 2pm, weather and kindling permitting. She will also be stopping at the public toilets on route to cut her birthday cake and “rest,” should anyone wish to take close-up photos. Thanks. G. Grimsby. Mayor