Hello all, it’s football season again and an apt time to congratulate Beckworth And Slocombe Academicals on their success so far in the Co-Operative FuneralCare League. They’ve averaged losing 3-0 in the past few weeks which is a vast improvement on last seasons average of 8-0, and last Saturday saw them lose a very respectable 2-0 against Dynorod FC (Goal scorers: part-time actor Robert Pattinson and ex-pop-sensation Justin Timberlake). So well done to manager and trainer Daniel Craig and to the whole team. Also congratulations are due because yesterday, after a nail-biting close to the transfer window, the team secured the services of striker, and local butcher, Kevin “Babyface” Ilford. After protracted negotiations he was bought for £27 from league champions KwikFit United which should further improve BSA’s chances this season. Christine Batley. Chief Football Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian