Category Archives: Prof Brian Cox

Dear Prof Cox Why Did The Lovely Dinosaurs Die?

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Hello to my Coxettes, it’s your manicured mentor Prof Brian Cox here, and although i’m about to take a “beauty nap” before attending a celebs only Skype call with Prince Charles, i’m contractually obliged to write you this missive…Therefore, I’m once again using my immense knowledge of the universe to improve your lives. Today’s question came from a young lad called Neil, who wants “help” with his school homework. He says he and his chums are all going to be schooled from home for a while as the C-Virus has closed their school. I’m guessing a lot of children will be wanting “Uncle” Brian’s help in the coming weeks. Watch this space… Anyway Neil wants know “What Killed The Dinosaurs”

Firstly, to give you some context  I shall give you some background information about the dinosaurs. They roamed the earth about 5 or 6 thousand years ago. I say roamed as they didn’t live in houses nor were they kept in cages or fields like today’s animals. Farming and zoos hadn’t been invented yet. These lumbering giants were constantly on the move, apart from when they slept, looking for the next meal. Just like humans dinosaurs were all different, some were tall, scruffy and thin, some short, big boned & sexually inactive, others colourful & beautiful with great hair & teeth making them very attractive to the opposite and same sex, rather like me. Many ate meat, some ate fish and whilst others were strict vegans… But what they all had in common was a lack of wings. They simply couldn’t fly.

And it was this stupid inability to learn to fly, or even to invent aeroplanes, that made them extinct. How come Uncle Brian? I hear Neil and all the young people ask…

Let me take you back in time to dinosaur time. For hundreds of years every creature was very happy. There was low unemployment, plenty to eat and the world was warm and sunny most days. Even when it rained everyone was happy. Dinosaurs probably didn’t wash much and the rain was natures way of making them have a well deserved shower (sadly without soap). But one day the dinosaurs looked up to the sky, it was darkening and sun was becoming blotted out. They probably discussed amongst themselves what it could be? Clouds? An old satellite falling to earth, or perhaps the moon doing one of those eclipse things it did every now again just to annoy them. In the end the dinosaurs decided to run and hide. But the meteorite was so big there were no good places to hide… Not even caves or mud huts could shelter them. So sadly they all perished due to a large rock being fired at the Earth by aliens. In just one morning, afternoon, or early evening they were all wiped out. Dead.

Had they been able to fly (or had helicopters), they would have survived simply by flying out of harms’ way and sitting in trees… If they’d had that one skill, or a pilots licence, they would be around today. That is why we have birds today, they could fly out of the way and survive…And before you ask we still have fish and sharks because the meteorite missed the sea by a few miles. Lucky that, imagine a world without fish & chips or Jaws!

So there you go, another “Did You Know This” fact complete. I’m going to get off now, grab a quick forty winks, wash my hair and get onto my laptop to join Prince Charles and other clever celebs in creating a cure for Corona Virus  Keep well, Prof Brian Cox.

Prince Charles & Brian Cox 2

(Above) An artist’s impression of Prof Brian Cox, Sir Prince Charles and celebrity chums finding a cure for Corona Virus using the prof’s DNA

Dear Prof Cox Why Do We Have A Shortest Day?

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Hello to my Coxettes, it’s your handsome, well groomed mentor Prof Brian Cox here, and although i’m busily directing my servants to correctly dress my new Christmas Tree and then i’m attending a celebs only Christmas party, i’m contractually obliged to write you this missive…Therefore, I’m once again using my immense knowledge of the universe to improve your lives. Today, is known as “the shortest day” but how many of us know why? The answer isn’t easy to come by and we must venture back to the time of the baby Jesus to find out… But not literally, I can’t time travel. Yet.

In the time of Jesus no cared, or had probably notice, that each day or week were different lengths… Some days could last 26 or 27 hours, sometimes just 17 hours, weeks could go on for weeks… and they lost count of how many months were in a year or when to start or finish a year. Time was in a right old mess. And it was not helped by a lack of clocks, or watches (no one had smart phones so that way of keeping time alluded them). But one day a wiseman who’d followed yonder start to visit the baby Jesus decided enough was enough. He is quoted in the bible as saying “Due to a lack of accurate time keeping i’m not sure if we wisemen are early for the birth, just in time, or days late… We’re as dumb as the shepherds who’ve come for a gander” It was the latter statement that clearly rattled the wisemen… Something had to be done. And Jesus’s dad Joseph, being a carpenter, was called upon to help the wisemen build a time-piece. Joseph jumped at the chance, he was looking for an excuse to get back to work, leave his wife Mary and their baby and get back into his wood working shed (they were not the enlightened PC times we live in now)…

After a month or two (no one is sure how long as time was only created when the time piece was finished) the large clock was finished and set to 12.00 GMT. Thats when time began. The wisemen divided days into 24 hours and hours into 60 minutes, with each minute being one minute long (seconds weren’t invented for a few thousand years after, as the clock didn’t have a seconds hand). People were very grateful that the wisemen had invented time, they now knew when to go to bed, when to get up, eat, go to the toilet even celebrate birthdays… but as is often the way after a few years people grew bored and restless of regimented time.

To remedy this the wisemen decided that some days could be shorter than others, it added some fun to time keeping. And the Bible tells us they were fun guys, always playing tricks and telling blue jokes. So a handful of days were chosen (at random) to be a few minutes, or hours shorter… The shortest was chosen to be on the baby Jesus’s birthday. A sort of belated present. Unfortunately they got the date slightly wrong, but no one really cared. They were just pleased to have some different length days. And that is why today is considerably shorter than yesterday or tomorrow.

There you go, another “Did You Know This” fact complete. I’m off to the hospital now as I’m giving some of my DNA (from my beautiful luscious hair) to the NHS to cure all illnesses. Happy Christmas, Prof Brian Cox.

Dear Prof Cox Why Do We Celebrate Halloween These Days?

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Hello to my Coxettes, it’s your gorgeous, yet scarily dressed Prof Brian Cox here, and although i’m rather busy getting ready to attend a celebs only Halloween party i’m finding time to write you this missive… Why you might ask? Well, i’ve been inundated with tens of emails, a postcard and text message, asking the same question; “Why do we celebrate Halloween? How come we didn’t celebrate it until a few years ago? And what’s the origin of Trick & Treating” To be frank, the latter question is all down to greedy supermarkets, i’ll explain why in a bit but first i’ll answer why we celebrate Halloween… To be factually accurate we are in fact celebrating All Hallows Eve, which began in pre-historical times (otherwise called the dark ages because there was no electric light or candles)…  On this eve simple folk would celebrate the end of harvest. But why all hallows eve I hear you chorus… well a hallow was a type of cart used to carry the pumpkin harvest in and traditionally, as decreed in the Bible’s Old Testament, the driver was a woman called Eve. In essence it was Harvest Festival by another name, but the only food being given to the poor was pumpkins (potatoes hadn’t been invented yet so the orange veg was all anyone had to eat). Due to the clocks changing, nights getting dark early and no TV to distract them people began the tradition of playing horrible tricks on each and this soon gained nationwide popularity. Historical records tell us that over the centuries the tricks got so dangerous that it became enshrined in law that if you didn’t die due to a trick being played on you then you deserved a treat… Ancient parchments tell us treats were mainly alcoholic and ended in fights. And often death (which is why kids dress up as ghosts). In the end the King, Oliver Cromwell, denounced the vulgarity of All Hallows Eve in the 1860s and banned ”Trickery & treatering” due to it’s devil-worshipping inclinations. As a way around this, and to get peasants into church, the leader of the Catholic Church Pope Norris The Second intervened (he hated Mr Cromwell). He renamed the debauchery Harvest Festival which proved very popular, especially the consumption of the free food and drink in churches which led to an outbreak of mass fornicating and a huge increase in the UK birth rate. So sadly all hallows eve fell out of favour… That was until a few years ago when supermarket bosses were looking at ways to boost sales in pre-Christmas Autumn (and they also wanted to cease the practice of free food and drink in churches), so they rediscovered All Hallows Eve, spent millions on advertising pumpkins, sweets and naff costumes even gave it the new name Halloween… So there you have it, supermarkets are the reason we celebrate Halloween and trick or treating… Which reminds me i’d better hurry round to my pal Graham Norton‘s house as we’re going on the bus together to Jonathan Ross‘ famed celeb only Halloween party… See you soon, and keep the faith (by buying some of my merchandise). Ta ta, Prof Brian Cox.

Autumn Equinox… It’s Probably All To Do With Horses.

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Hello to my Coxettes, it’s your gorgeous, adored Prof Brian Cox here, and if i’m honest at this moment in time i’m slightly anxious & distracted. But not sweating like common folk…. Why? Because i’m writing this (due to contractual obligations) in a taxi as it wings its way to Heathrow Airport so I can catch a flight off to sunnier climbs. Anyway, i’ve been inundated with tens of emails, perfumed-notelets and text messages, which I was hoping wouldn’t need answering. But i’m told they do or else I wont get paid! And even a megastar scientist and TV icon with beautiful hair and teeth needs paying. Keeping on top of my youthful looks doesn’t come cheap I can tell you… Anyway i’m digressing as I’m driven past my favourite hair gel emporium, Harrods…. You’ve been asking in your droves the same question; “What is the Autumn Equinox, and why do we bother having one as no-one apart from scientists know what it is?” Ok i’ll get this done as quick as possible and apologies for any speling misbakes (the road is rather bumby)… The reason we have Autumn Equinox every year, around late September, is all to do with cavemen and horses… The name equinox is latin, or greek, or perhaps french, for horny horse and legend has it that the Autumn Equinox celebrates a day when horses with horns were first seen frolicking amongst the fallen leaves whilst our cave dwelling forebears searched for conkers. It is said that our ancient hirsute ancestors quickly invented bows and arrows and hunted and ate these horned horses (sometimes called Unicorns) to extinction… So there you have it, if we hadn’t rid the World of these horses we wouldn’t be celebrating now. Or have my little pony. Anyway I must dash off as i’m fast approaching terminal five and can see my holiday chums, Joey Essex, Michael & Tina McIntyre OBE and Carol Vorderman waving to me…. See you soon, and keep the faith (by buying some of my merchandise). Ta ta, Prof Brian Cox.

Dear Prof Cox Why Are We Having Our Holidays Ruined By Such Wet Weather

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Hello to my Coxettes, it’s your very handsome and modest Prof Brian Cox here. This week, and last, I’ve been inundated with emails, letters and damp postcards which I’ve put off answering. But whilst I wait for my beautiful hair to dry I’ll lower myself to answer… You’ve tediously been asking the same question; “Why is the UK so damp this month? It’s completely ruining our staycation in Bognor, Hull, Isle Of Man, and I’ve packed away all my thermals.” The answer is all to do with the unseasonal weather not being ours… In fact we’ve inherited a years worth of Russia‘s unwanted grey rain clouds, which are crammed full of very wet soggy rain. It is believed the Russian military have developed a way of blowing unwanted clouds our way so they can bask in sunshine, get good tans and sell lots of sunglasses (that’s why Siberia is no longer icy cold but baking hot like Greece)… I’m told our military are desperately trying to invent something to blow the clouds back, perhaps via mainland Europe post-Brexit, with PM Boris Johnson pledging hundreds of pounds to help the inventors. Sadly, until the boffins develop such a “blower,” we’re stuck with the rain… and probably snow in September. My advice to all my fans is to dig out your warm clothes and buy new Brian Cox scarves, T-shirts, undies and umbrellas from the merchandise bit of my website… As for me I’m wealthy enough to avoid the inclement weather (that’s scientific words for wet weather) by going on a Mediteranean cruise with my close pals Harry Styles, Ferne Cotton & Sir Trevor MacDonald. I don’t want to be late for the bus to the harbour so I’ll sign off now…. See you soon, and keep the faith (by buying some of my merchandise). Ta ta, Prof Brian Cox.

Dear Prof Cox Why Are We Having Such Hot Days? Part Two

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Hello to my Coxettes (my dear fans), it’s your beautiful Prof Brian Cox here. I’m sorry I didn’t finish answering yesterday’s burning question “why are we having such hot days this week.” My neighbours and close friends Sir Brian May and his mum (ex-PM) Teresa May popped round with a bottle of sherry to have a natter and admire my fabulous hair and my newly whitened teeth (they were very impressed), which meant I didn’t finish giving the scientific answer…  So here goes, the UK is breaking temperature records (I’m told it was probably 38.1C yesterday, which is over 120 degrees in old money) because we’re being invaded by never before seen dessert plumes (tall winds to you plebs) travelling north from places like Iran, Israel and Japan. The plumes are blowing away fluffy clouds and bringing the most sunshine and daylight that we’ve ever seen… And because the UK is just like a big island, surrounded by deep seas and oceans, it feels even hotter and is making us crave cool Pimms and ice creams, which in turn raises temperatures. This creates a vicious circle, the more we drink and Cornettos we consume the hotter it gets… Today is cooler as most shops have now sold out of both, which is vey lucky… On a positive note I’ve managed to get a great all-over tan from nude sunbathing on my garage roof. I’m now going to show it off at the pub to best pals Amanda Holden & David Walliams. I don’t want to be late so better sign off…. See you soon, and keep the faith. Ta ta, Prof Brian Cox.

Dear Prof Cox Why Are We Having Such Hot Days & Will It Rain Soon?

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Hello to all my fans, who I fancy I will now name Coxettes. Your wonderful, keeping cool and not sweating, Prof Brian Cox here. My internet mail box and spam thingy are as usual overflowing with readers daily questions, most wasting my precious time, but some have wanted me to answer the same scientifically significant question; why are we having such hot days this week. One person who will remain nameless also asked if will it rain next week as they are going on a camping holiday, but although I am a genius (more so than Steve Hawkin) I’m not a weather forecaster, so I can’t help and consider this matter closed. I can however explain why the UK is breaking the Worlds’ temperature records this year (its probably 150 degrees here in my beautiful Beckworth drawing room, even with the curtains drawn and BBC Radio 4 on!)… It’s all to do with dessert winds coming north from the Middle East via Spain & Italy bringing with it extra portions of sunshine, heat and daylight….  Hold on I’ve just got to answer the door, but will continue shortly, love you all Prof Brian Cox.

Dr Cox Why Do The American Celebrate The 4th July, Is It Jesus’s Birthday?

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Hello all, it’s your genius Prof Brian Cox here. The line above asks “Is Today Jesus’s Birthday?” I get that out of the way straight away as I can answer it very quickly, whilst I comb my beautiful hair, and the answer is… No, of course its not! His birthday is at Easter, so you’ve missed it. To discover the reason our American friends celebrate 4th July we have to go back about 500 years in history to the Middle Ages (sometimes known as the Dark Ages as it was before Edison had invented light bulbs… or lighthouses). In those days terrible Tory landowners had inflicted heavy taxes on the poor here in England, so many poor folk emigrated as stowaways to the USA (that’s poor as in they had no money… not they were unlucky). Many of the very first US settlers were originally from Beckworth, such as Donald Trump‘s turnip picking ancestors Vince and Mary Trump. In fact “fact fans” the name Trump is in fact Turnip wrongly spelt when they landed in America! Anyway I digress… like many of their fellow Beckworth stowaways they settled within spitting distance of New York‘s famous Statue Of Liberty and named their new village New Beckworth, with whom we were once twinned until we fell out with them last year. Anyway, July 4th was chosen as a day to celebrate arriving in the USA as it was almost exactly half way through the year and the day when the first pub opened in New Beckworth. So that’s the answer, and remember who told you first… I’ve got to rush off now, I’m having a cream tea and drinks with my most special new friends HRH Princess Meghan and Prince Harry pals, and don’t want to be late…. See you soon, and keep the faith. Ta ta, Prof Brian Cox.

Professor Cox’s Did You Know This: Why Do We Still Have The Longest Day?

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Hello all, Brian here, I actually answered this in full 6 or 7 years ago on this very website… So apologies if I ask you to a search for it whist I use my immense knowledge of the universe to make more television programmes whilst showing off my beautiful hair and getting more female fans…

Suffice to say that the universe is in perfect balance, so for every shortest day there must be a longest day… usually about 6 months apart due to the cycle of the sun. Or the moon. The longest day is most memorable in the UK because here it means almost 24 hours of sunshine in one day… unless its raining or is cloudy. Which means a lot of people will today go to the beach to get a tan or to ancient stone circles to dance naked.

Anyway, that’s me done, so if you don’t mind I’m going to get on my unicycle to a posh restaurant to have a “£5 eat as much as you can” lunch with my old school chums Will and Kirtsy Young to reminisce about teachers we fancied (and who of course fancied me) and blowing up the science lab. Thanks, Prof Brian Cox.

Dear Prof Clocks Why Do The Cox Change Twice A Year? Wouldn’t Once Be Enough?

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Hello all, it’s your favourite popstar turned genius here. Yes, the Godlike Prof Brian Cox. As is usual this time of the year readers have been wasting my precious time, wanting me to answer the same scientifically tedious question, year in year out, it never changes… I’m talking about you all asking why do the clocks change. And why do it twice… I’m in a bit of rush but the succinct answer is because of those unelected rule-makers in Europe. Over a hundred years ago they decreed that our glorious United Kingdom need to be taught a lesson and given a bloody nose (it was during WW1 after all). So spies from the continent sneaked into Great Britain and started messing around with all the clocks, putting them forward by an hour or so (or it may have been back)… Because of this our poor soldiers were getting up in the middle of the night to fight the Gerrys and by day break were totally exhausted…. It took 6 months before all the clocks were put back to the right time. Our government at the time thought this was all spiffing fun seeing the working class getting up at unGodly hours that they decided to keep the clock changing going, twice a year… And now we’re so used to it that no one argues that it’s a great waste of time or question why we do it! So that’s the answer… now i’ve got to rush, I’m having a lazy Sunday lunch and drinks with one of my best celebrity pals, Declan Donnelly, who’s looking for a new workmate…. See you soon, and keep the faith. Ta ta, Prof Brian Cox.