Hello World. My name is Courtney and it’s lovely to meet you all, I hope you like hearing my interviews. I really didn’t hold back and told the lady interviewer lots of juicy secrets about my life, just like my heroes Katie Price, Kim Kardashian and White Dee. Thanks Courtney.
WARNING! THIS CONTAINS ONE OR TWO MILDLY NAUGHTY WORDS
Happy New Year To You All. I trust everyone enjoyed last nights’ council funded entertainment at the edge of the waterlogged sports field. The traditional burning of Old Man Beckworth, to say goodbye to 2013, thankfully went off without a hitch, no one ended up in the Burns Unit unlike most years. A big thanks to Kirstie Allsopp for knitting such a great effigy, and thanks to her husband Phil Spencer for making such a realistic paper-mache Baby Beckworth to welcome in 2014. My personal highlight was seeing the New Year in watching the local Scout’s brass-band cover the hits of Guns ‘n’ Roses whilst I clutched a half-frozen Delia Smith veggie kebab and chatted to new residents Kim Kardashian and Kanye West (who hope to have Beckworth’s first “nail bar” open by March). I must apologise for the lack of a pyrotechnic display, this was due to the fireworks accidentally getting set off a day early by confused council staff (they got the dates mixed up, which could happen to anyone). All the best for a healthy and prosperous 2014. Mayor G. Grimsby
(Above) Mr and Mrs Phil and Kirsty Allsopp on their way to grab a kebab last night