Prof Cox, Why Has Covid-19 Cancelled Tomorrow’s May Day… Come To Think Of It Why Do We Even Have May Day?

Hello to my devoted lock-down Coxettes, it’s your gorgeous Covid-19 free mentor Prof Brian Cox here, and i’m back answering your (almost) scientific questions… This week i’ve had a lot of emails, scented letters & postcards asking about “May Day.” First question I will answer is why we actually celebrate the day… This is because since at least the time of the dinosaurs the first Monday of May has always been a day to skive off work (or in the case of cavemen to lay off hunting bison and rabbits), to do a little “spring cleaning” then drink, eat vast quantities of cake, dance and fornicate. It’s one of our oldest festivals and celebrates Spring; when the flowers bloom, the clocks change and little lambs are born. It is celebrated the World over, but it was us Brits who invented it although the Greeks and Romans claimed they did. In some places it’s called Labour Day, because traditionally lots of babies were born on this Monday. Or at least a couple of weeks either side… The next question was why has it been cancelled? Well, it’s not actually been cancelled just delayed until this Friday. This is so PM Boris Johnson can be fully recovered from the virus and have a drink or three to celebrate having survived and also become a Dad for the 15th time… Coincidentally it also falls on the 70th, or 75th, anniversary of VE Day so we can all drink and fornicate even more. With this in my mind i’m going to go online to order lots of drink and sexy underwear for myself. Stay safe, keep well, Prof Brian Cox.

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At Her Majesty’s (Dis)Pleasure; This Week’s Playlist

Hello radio fans. A big thanks to those who listened to this weekend’s online radio show, it was the fifth on www.madwaspradio.com, and below is this week’s playlist.
The show is on twice weekly, 7pm Fridays (GMT) and 10am Saturdays (GMT) and you can also listen to the shows anytime at your leisure, just search for me Inmate B42359 on Soundcloud.com. My cellmate Len is, as always, seeking music related queries for his Listerpedia slot on the show, so please email those to our new address inmateB42359@gmail.com
Keep yourselves well, and if you like the show please spread the word. Inmate B42359

01 Heartache Avenue – The Maisonettes

02 Shadow Kissing - Hollie Cook

03 The Well - Marcus King

04 On The Wing - Smoke Fairies

05 (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction - Devo

06 Do You Dream In Colour? - Bill Nelson

07 Fortune Teller - Night Flowers

08 7:04 AM - DRAMA

09 Mission Desire - Jane Weaver

10 90% of me is you - Gwen McCrae

11 Mystery Train - Elvis Presley

12 Seven Days Of Loving You - Johnny Vanelli

13 Late Night - Tennis

14 Dancing Barefoot - Patti Smith Group

15 Bad, Bad Whiskey - Amos Milburn’s Chickenshackers

Please search the blog to find previous show playlists

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Prof Cox Who Was George, What Is A Saint And Why Does He Have A Day Named After Him?

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At Her Majesty’s (Dis)Pleasure; This Week’s Playlist

Hello radio fans. A big thanks to those who listened to this weekend’s online radio show, it was the fourth on www.madwaspradio.com, and below is this week’s playlist.
The show is on twice weekly, 7pm Fridays (GMT) and 10am Saturdays (GMT) and you can also listen to the shows anytime at your leisure, just search for me Inmate B42359 on Soundcloud.com. My cellmate Len is looking for music related queries for his Listerpedia slot on the show, so please email those to studio@madwaspradio.com
Keep yourselves well, and if you like the show please spread the word. Inmate B42359

01 Why (7’’ Version) – Carly Simon

02 This Wheel’s On Fire - Julie Driscoll + Brian Auger

03 Dizziness - Wild Nothing

04 Christine - The House Of Love

05 Praise You - Hannah Grace

06 Are You Gonna Go My Way - Lenny Kravitz

07 Scarlet Menace (Featuring Veba) - J-WALK

08 Whatever Happened To Xanadu - Brian Campeau

09 Matrixland - Las Kellies

10 Merry-Go-Round - Night Flowers

11 Groucho - Tuff Love

12 Fan Mail - The Dickies

13 The Heart Remains A Child - Everything But The Girl

14 Matchbox - The Beatles

15 High Fidelity - Elvis Costello & The Attractions

16 Ghost In My House - The Fall

17 Two Sleepy People - Denny Dennis

Please scroll down to find previous show playlists

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Scottish Pop Stars Fined For Attempting Non-Essential Journey

Breaking Sporran & Kilt News Just In… Local singing duo The Proclaimers have been apprehended by Police on the hard-shoulder of the M1 for attempting to walk 500 miles (and probably 500 more) to visit their family in Leith in Scotland, stopping off at “closed” ale houses on route. The identical twins, Reg and Rory McReid tried to claim it was a sponsored walk and therefore essential, but the boys (and girls) in blue were having none of it and fined the singers £65 each. Luckily they had enough cash in their sporrans to pay up. The twins are now hitching a lift home… Remember: PLEASE STAY HOME. Christine Batley. Deputy Chief Tartan Correspondent. Beckworth And Slocombe Herald Incorporating Nightly Gazette

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(Above) Identical twin pop stars, Reg and Rory McReid

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Don’t Get Hot, Don’t Get Cross, Get A Kabab This Easter

Show the one you love how much you care this Easter. Forget your sad hot cross buns and chocolate eggs, have a kebab delivered instead… We will deliver all you need for Easter, safely through your letter box, and for the lowly price of £39.99 per kebab (including delivery). Stay well, stay home. Khristos Knossos, Knossos Kebabs

Delivering Hot Cross Kebab

(Above) An artist’s impression of a hot cross kebab being carefully delivered

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Today’s Easter Service

Hello my locked flock. This is a reminder that today’s Easter Sunday service will start at around 2.30pm so I have time to first have a slap-up lunch. My “house mate” Nigel Havers has promised to cook it and I can’t wait (there is no end to this man’s talents!). I would still like to receive Easter eggs and treats from you for my sterling community service, so please leave them in the vicarage porch and Nigel will bring them inside for me. Please remember my favourites are Flake Eggs and those very large expensive Belgian ones, as the saying goes a “religious army marches on it’s stomach!” and i’m it’s captain. Or general. …. Nigel and I plan to have an egg hunt this evening, so need a lot of eggs! He’s very good at finding things so I need to get better at hiding!!!!! By the way, as with all the recent services I will be performing online only via the internet. I must admit i’d like to continue this way of giving religious solace post-Lock down. I takes far less time and I’m relishing not having to deal with people in person. Have wonderful lockdown and look forward to “seeing” you this afternoon afternoon.

May your God be online with you, Cyril Knutsford. Vicar. Beckworth St Faiths

Online Church Easter Egg Hunt

(Above) An artist’s impression of the vicars egg hunt

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At Her Majesty’s (Dis)Pleasure; This Week’s Playlist

Hello radio fans. A huge thanks to those who listened to this weekend’s online radio show on www.madwaspradio.com, below is this week’s playlist.
The show is on twice weekly, 7pm Fridays (GMT) and 10am Saturdays (GMT) and you can also listen to the shows anytime at your leisure, just search for me Inmate B42359 on Soundcloud.com. And please remember my knowledge hungry cellmate Len is looking for music related queries for his Listerpedia slot on the show, email those to studio@madwaspradio.com
Keep yourselves well, and if you like the show please spread the word. Inmate B42359

01 The Band’s A-Rockin’ – Johnnie Lee Wills

02 Dreamland (feat. Years & Years - Pet Shop Boys

03 The National Bird of India - Isobel Campbell

04 Wonder of Birds - The Innocence Mission

05 Magazin - White Denim

06 More Days ‘Til Summer - Lenny Kravitz

07 Left To Roll - Smoke Fairies

09 Love Again - Rae Morris

10 Empire - Palace Winter

11 I Feel Free - Cream

12 Mr Dobolina - Del Tha Funky Homosapien

13 Angel - Sub Sub

14 Big Mouth - A Girl Called Eddy

15 Bell-Bottom Trousers - Kay Kyser v/Ferdy,Slim,Quartet

Please scroll down to find previous show playlists

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Lockdown Solution For Monday’s Old Beckworthian’s Easter Bike Race

I trust you are all enjoying the wonderful lockdown Easter weather and despite keeping two feet apart are in fine fettle, taking in the vapours of spring through slightly opened windows and awaiting the partaking of chocolate comestibles…

As you will no doubt have marked clearly on your calendars Easter Monday is Beckworth School’s annual cycle race meeting of the institution’s alumni. But due to lockdown we can’t have the race at the 17th century velodrome so we are going to somehow race online. I’ll admit I have no idea what that means, my Grandson Victor (who’s typing this) says it involves computers, which I don’t possess. He also says all entrants will be filmed riding around the grounds of their stately piles and their times compared to find a winner… As I don’t own a film crew I will have to be absent from all racing, which will give other riders a sporting chance. But due to this inhumane lockdown the winner’s cups and medals will stay in my possession for another year. Or longer.

Yours Sir T.T. “Wonky” Windsor. President. Beckworth School Old Boys

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