The Tour De France Comes To Town

Fantastic news just in, Beckworth has been chosen to hold Stage Two of next year’s Grand Départ leg of the Tour De France. Beating stiff competition from towns in Belgium, Holland and Wales the 4 mile road race will be held in July 2014 and will include stages in the children’s playground (taking in cycling down the slide and jumping the seesaw) and a timed slalom course with bollards in Sainsco carpark. Local cyclist Bradley Wiggins said “it’s well cool that Beckworth holds the prestigious race. After all it is probably the birth place of cycling, what with the inventor of the Penny Farthing, James Starley, having had a camping hoiday here once.” More news about the race when I get it. Gary Grimsby. Mayor

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(Above) Bradley Wiggins defending his lead in last year’s Tour De France

Beckworth Star Spot: The Wanted U.S. Spy Edward Snowden

I’ve just seen that wanted spy bloke Edward Snowden buying a strawberry-blonde hairpiece in Wiggins For Wigs. I was in there getting my own syrup washed and combed as today’s bitter wind had completely buggered it up. Suddenly the door flew open and in came the spy from the cold. He looked quite flustered and the silly bugger claimed he was being followed. So Bradley Wiggins Snr calmed him down with a cuppa and got to work on a new hair and side-burn ensemble. Mr Eddie “The Eagle” Snowden seemed very relieved when he saw his new barnet and even bought a matching beard as it was in the sale. Mr Wiggins Snr told him “even your own Mother wouldn’t recognise you now,” which seemed to make Eddie the spy very happy. On leaving he asked the way to the airport as he said he’s going on a very long holiday. Lucky Man. G. Barnstaple

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(Above) “Spot the difference”
A Wiggin’s Wig & Beard make Edward look years younger