Who’s The Daddy?

This weekend, in celebration of Father’s day, we are offering 50% off all paternity tests. Our recently opened health centre (in the back of the chemists) offers discreet walk-in medical checks, passport photos and instant diagnosis of your sexual health. Our resident clinician “Dr” Vince* is a qualified urine therapist and once worked as a hospital porter, so knows all about medicine, especially anything related to sex stuff. Dr Vince offer treatments for lack of Testosterone (Jaffa Syndrome), weight gain, “mr floppy” problems, and irritability. Sperm donations also taken (no appointment neccsessary and we have our own “specialist magazines” on site). As they say on Casualty “the doctor* will see you now…”

Abdul Ackworth, chemist. Abduls The Chemist, 17 Floyd Street, Beckworth.

* Vince has never been, nor claims to be, a real doctor. It’s more a term of affection

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