Chicken Shop Condemned By Health Inspectors

Harrowing haute cuisine news just in. Popular local chicken cafe “Ken Tucker’s Fried Chicken” was yesterday closed down by Health Inspectors after repeated (alleged) cases of food poisonings. Mr Tucker told me to “push off” when I cornered him in the pub last night but not before saying “it’s a ruddy witch hunt, I treat them chickens better than my kids. I rear them in cages in my garage, feed them grub I buy cheap from Poland and then shoot them myself. So they’re well looked after. Then my nephew, who learnt a bit of food hygiene in prison, cooks and freezes them.” If any of you have eaten Ken’s free-range chicken, and had loosened stools or vomiting as a consequence, we’d like to hear your graphic stories. Christine Batley. Chief Dodgy Poultry Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

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(Above) Ken’s garage where he lovingly hand-rears his chickens