Breaking national horticulture news… The appeal by Beckworth Police, in respect of last year’s failure to get a conviction of local small holder, Clifford Pinner, has been dramatically thrown out by the High Court. Once again Mr Pinner has been cleared of all charges made against him in 2014′s indecency trial due to a lack of “fresh” evidence. Mr Clifford was unsuccessfully prosecuted by local police for allegedly growing “grotesque and sexually perverse” fruit and vegetables on his small allotment. Armed police had searched the plot and confiscated various offensive growths, though some accidentally got cooked and eaten at the police station. Evidence included large penis shaped marrows, a pair of large juicy melons (like lady’s pert boobies according to witnesses), a potato that could have easily been mistaken for a person’s bottom and small ripe tomatoes that looked very much like bright red testicles. Once again a relieved Mr Pinner hopes to get back to growing his highly-suggestive shaped organic fruits and vegetables without fear of police harrassment. But a Beckworth police spokesperson has suggested they may take the case to the Court of Human Rights. “We won’t rest until the b*****d is rotting behind bars” the spokesperson told me “he’s a nonce and a public menace and we’re after him.” Well done to Mr Cliff for getting off again and good luck to local Police with their second appeal. Christine Batley. Chief Naughty Foodstuff Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

(Above) A visibly relieved Clifford Pinner shows off his allegedly naughty looking melons (photographed by police earlier today)