News Just In… Beckworth’s summer solstace celebrations sadly took a turn for the worst yesterday and ended in a number of arrests. All was going swimmingly; families of nude pagans saw the sun rise at the Hammerite Stones as they have for centuries, then spent the day dancing naked through the stones, enjoying animal sacrifice, watching the Beckworth Bothamers performing morris dances and skinny dipping with horses and cattle in the river. There was the traditional “marriage” of Beckworth’s Maiden In White to the Old Slocombe Codger and in the evening the burning of a wicker effigy of the Old Dick of Beckworth. Mummers enacted mystery plays for 18 hours non-stop and music was performed by local naturist folk bands with an acoustic  Status Quo stripping off to headline. But when the sun set above the stones all hell broke loose. A gang of hungry naturist Druids descended on the 22hr McDonalds  drive-thru and caused tens of pounds worth of damage. They then refused to leave until the restaurant promised to stop selling meat products and become a purely vegetarian outlet. Police were called and promptly arrived two hours later, whereupon the naughty naked pagans were locked in the cells overnight “for their own safety”. They are due up in court later today, so I’ll keep you posted on this most heinous of hate crimes. Christine Batley. Chief Naked Nutters Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian. Beckworth Guardian

(Above) A hungover Druid pictured earlier today whilst awaiting his/her day in court