No Body Armour For Heroes In Lama Drama

Hello. It’s about day 20 or so in this gripping lama drama that has gripped the residents of Beckworth, and the world beyond. To recap for those who have been away on holiday, or in hospital, a few weeks ago 3 dangerous lamas escaped from Fern Britton‘s lama farm, one was captured by plucky hero Ross Kemp and now the other two are on the run. Ross and his handsome TV brother Phil Mitchell have borrowed an army tank but shunned wearing protective body armour (as it makes them too large to fit in the tank). They are now in hot pursuit of the lamas, who have regrouped and haven’t been seen for a while. Tirelessly the brothers Kemp have been driving through the countryside leaving no stone, or in some cases whole buildings, unturned. Mr Kemp has been keeping me in the loop by texting lurid messages and pics of their exploits, which included accidentally running over some grazing cattle, and thinks at last they have spotted the two runaway camelids sheltering in Beckworth Hall’s boat shed. I am awaiting a texted update as he is about to fire at the shed to scare the beasts. I’ll let you know what happens, but he has asked me to observe radio silence until this disquieting time is over (so i’ve just switched off Ken Bruce on Radio 2). Doris Palmer (Fern’s in-house tractor driver) is following the tank on a tractor ready to help with this hopeful lama capture. Most importantly, a very upset Mrs Britton has asked that no-one bothers her today as she is entertaining a group of wealthy foreign businessmen. Christine. Chief Crime Reporter at The Beckworth Guardian and neighbourhood watch coordinator

Businessmen