Local Athlete Misses Out On Medal

Sad news, local resident Bethany Folkestone has finished second to last in the speed skipping at the Commonwealth games. Six year old Bethany is said to be very upset as she fell over twice and ended up with a knotted skipping rope. Thankfully Lord Seb Coe stepped in with words of encouragement for the crying Miss Folkestone and lent her a packet of travel tissues. Christine Batley. Chief Flustered Skippers Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

Beckworth_SkippingRope

(Above) Bethany’s discarded skipping rope in Glasgow earlier today

First Medal For Beckworth At Commonwealth Games

Great news, local residents and keen naturists Willy Belfast and Marge Bushey have won Beckworth’s first (bronze) medal at the Commonwealth games. The sexagenarian couple came third in the mixed-doubles 1000m tandem-cycling race earlier today and afterwards gave their trademark “mooning” lap of honour, to fervent shouts of encouragement from the Glasgow spectators. But it was touch and go whether they would be allowed onto the podium to accept their medal due to the cyclist’s state of undress. But Lord Seb Coe saved the day by lending the couple his spare pants and thus attired the ceremony went ahead. Christine Batley. Chief Naked Cycle Racing Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

Tania Modra and Sarnya Parker (AUS) action Cycling Track 2000 Sy

(Above) Bronze medalists Willi and Marge in action
(Their modesty has been electronically covered)