Hello. PC Rozzer and I have hardly had time to water our tomatoes this week as clues relating to the Stag Do Massacre case are coming thick and fast. I’m not complaining as at least we’re not just finding ties. Today a wrapped sweet, probably dropped by the murdered Groom’s paternal Grandfather, was found by an observant member of the clergy on the path to the church (Thank you Archbishop Desmond Tutu). The immediate area around the 800 year old church-yard is currently cordoned off whilst the anti-terrorist bomb-squad blow up the sweet, as they believe it to be booby trapped. This vital clue, deliberately left by the Groom’s Mum’s Dad, is a sweet treat made for sucking called a Murray Mint. To the casual observer that’s not out of the ordinary, but to trained detectives, like Rozzer and me, it points to the Granddad cunningly letting us know the identity of a key Stag Do Massacre gang member. He’s obviously called Murray. Or Mint. So this is where you could help. Perhaps you know someone in a gang that shares their name with a boiled sweet? Maybe you’re a friend of the Granddad and haven’t seen him or his wheelchair in the betting shop this week? Or perhaps, you like me, you want to know how to keep greenfly off your tomatoes? If so CID would like to hear from you. Please ring 999 and ask for PC R Cowgrove at Beckworth Police station. PC Rozzer and I will be handling this mass murder case whilst attending to our vegetable plot. I’ll keep you posted on developments. Yours, PC Cowgrove. Beckworth Police

(Above) The wrapped sweet treat named after it’s inventors Messrs Mint and Murray